


At The End of It All

by MyKaleidoscope



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Nuclear Weapons, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 34,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22474267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyKaleidoscope/pseuds/MyKaleidoscope
Summary: In the throes of a horrific death, Alyx and Gordon must continue their mission to the Arctic, in search of Aperture Science's legendary Borealis. As their relationship deepens, their time may be running out.Takes place immediately following Episode 2. Spoilers if you haven't played. This is very, VERY loosely based on Epistle 3, with great liberties taken. I did kind of try to follow the basic outline, but the similarities are minuscule.
Relationships: Gordon Freeman/Alyx Vance
Comments: 12
Kudos: 69





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> I am smitten with the characters of Gordon and Alyx, and I love the potential between them. At the same time, I don't want to write a twee relationship for them (LIES! DAMNED LIES! That is so what I want to write for them).
> 
> But the dreaded Epistle 3 suggests something more...profound, I guess. I want to come up with something plausible in the face of insurmountable odds. That's my challenge to myself. Thanks for coming along, I will do my darndest to write y'all something that makes you happy and sad and scared and excited and all the things.
> 
> 02/22/20 Oh my god, you guys, I think it's done. I could cry. This has been so much fun.  
> It will still take me a few days to work out the kinks, but overall I have actually finished. There's some unexpected sexytimes, so I've bumped up the rating to Mature. It's not too smutty but it's definitely sexy. I hope it's good. 
> 
> Please enjoy, please comment - I crave feedback - but most of all, I hope this story takes you to a happy fun place like it's done for me. Thanks for reading!

Gordon came to slowly. The first sound he heard was Alyx crying, then screaming, “Don’t touch me! Leave me alone! Oh, Dad!”

Outside, the rebels were still hooting and celebrating. How could they? Of course - they didn’t know, because it had just happened. _It had just happened._

He tried to go to her. His legs wouldn’t move. “Major fracture detected,” his HEV suit intoned. “Morphine administered."

 _Not now_ , damn it, he thought. _Not now_. The edges of his vision went gray again.

==========

Gradually consciousness returned. He could make out the shape of two Vortigaunts, gently hoisting Eli’s body and chanting in their native tongue. Dr. Kleiner held onto Alyx, shielding her from the sight of her father’s limp body being carried away. Still, Gordon couldn’t move. He was fairly certain his back was broken. A medic was patching him up, administering the glowing green grub liquid with a worried look on his face. “You’re gonna be okay, Freeman,” he said with no trace of certainty, then quickly turned to Alyx.

Sensation began to return to Gordon’s legs. He dragged himself to Alyx’s side as the medic administered an injection. _Don’t you fucking drug her_ , he thought. _Don’t take this away from her_.

“It’s the usual cocktail,” the medic said, as if reading his thoughts. “Just a mild painkiller and antibiotics. She’s busted up pretty bad.” Of course. Alyx had suffered the same fall he had, without benefit of armor. Sheer grief was driving her now.

“Alyx,” Kleiner said, his voice softer than Gordon had ever heard. “My dear, we have to get you to a medbay. It is imperative that you and Dr. Freeman continue the mission with all due haste. I’m so sorry. But there is simply no time.” Alyx slumped into Kleiner’s embrace and let him guide her out of the hangar. Gordon, still unable to lift himself from the floor, watched them go. A moment later, two men helped him to his feet and escorted him, stumbling, toward the infirmary.

==========

A few hours later, they were onboard the helicopter. Alyx was next to him, eyes red and puffy but dry. “Dr. Freeman, are you listening to me?” Kleiner practically barked. Gordon opened his eyes and tried to focus on his mentor. He nodded. “Good,” Kleiner said, his voice softening considerably. “Alyx has Dr. Vance’s and my notes. You would do well to review them.” Gordon nodded again. “Gordon,” Kleiner said, “good luck to you both. We’ll be here when you return.”

The chopper left the base without incident, though Gordon was nearly certain another wave of Striders would appear. Soon they were traveling over what looked to be unoccupied land. Gordon sighed and relaxed a little, though it troubled him to realize he still had only the vaguest idea of where in the world he was.

“Everyone okay back there?” the pilot shouted.

“Just get us where we’re going, Colin,” Alyx snapped, Gordon tried to meet her eyes, but she refused. She was changed, he realized. Her light had gone out. Every bit of tension he’d felt earlier returned, and a vague panic threatened him. “Heart rate increasing,” the suit informed him. _Shut up_ , he thought.

Alyx buried herself in her father’s journals. After a few moments, she groaned and rubbed her eyes. “I can’t. I can’t even see,” she said. Without facing him, she pushed the journals into Gordon’s hands. “Here, you read. I have to rest.”

Gordon nodded and accepted the notebooks. He admired her for knowing when to take a break, and he was happy to take respite in the world of theories and equations. In no time, Alyx was slumped against his arm, snoring softly. He tried to bury himself in the journals, but anticipation of their journey was leaving him distracted.

“We’re about two hours out from our first stop,” the pilot, Colin, called, glancing back. He looked familiar to Gordon, who quickly realized that with his dark skin and gray hair, he bore a superficial resemblance to Eli. He was about the same age, too, but more stocky, and his accent was something Gordon couldn’t quite make out - Jamaican, maybe? Gordon nodded.

"Don’t worry about a thing,” Colin said. “You’re in good hands. Thirteen years United States Army.” Was it Gordon’s imagination, or was there a veiled threat in that voice? “And twenty years Earth Resistance,” Colin added. “Don’t worry, son,” he said. “You did what you had to do to survive. It’s what we all do.”

Gordon gave a wan smile. It was almost a relief to realize there were people alive who saw him not as a hero, but simply a fellow human who’d had to do horrific things in the face of horrific circumstances.

The co-pilot, who’d been silent until now, barked out some coordinates. Colin mumbled something that sounded like a confirmation. The co-pilot turned to face Gordon. She was a middle-aged, blonde woman, with soft brown eyes crowned by what appeared to be a permanent scowl. “We’ll stop to refuel before we leave the mainland. After that, we’ll fly over what used to be the Barents Sea,” she said, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the din of the helicopter’s rotors. “For better or worse, there’s a lot more land down there now. If we get a tail wind, we’ll make it to Bear Island, no problem. If not, well, we may have to set down early.” Gordon nodded his understanding. “We don’t have many outposts this far north,” she continued. “We would be very, very lucky to land close to one. Just want you to be prepared.”

Prepared for what, exactly, Gordon wondered. To die in an Arctic desert? He nodded again.

“I don’t foresee that happening, but you seem like a fellow who like to be prepared,” she said.

He found her firm, yet comforting voice to be soothing. “Eli Vance was my mentor,” she said. “That girl is like a daughter to me. You keep her safe, you hear?” Gordon nodded solemnly. “Alrighty then. I’m Rebecca, by the way,” she said, and stuck out her hand with a lopsided grin. He took it and gave a gentle squeeze and a shake. “If what they say about you is true, she’s in good hands. I just hope what they say is true,” she said, giving Gordon the once over. “Frankly, I don’t see what all the fuss is about, but Eli thought of you as a son, so I guess you’re all right.” She turned back to the control panel. “Sit back, we’ll let you know if shit gets real,” she said.

Gordon collapsed back in his seat, more intent than ever on analyzing Eli’s and Isaac’s notebooks. There was more two decades worth of information to digest. He did his best to skim, focusing when he could on anything relevant to Aperture Science’s portal technologies. It seemed the firm had almost clumsily stumbled upon something revolutionary. They had, to all appearances, mastered near-distance teleportation.

And then there was the ship. The Borealis had somehow made its way from the upper peninsula of Michigan to the southern Arctic region. And then, it had disappeared. And then reappeared. Lather, rinse, repeat. Gordon was baffled, which delighted him.

“Prepare for descent,” Rebecca called back. “We’re here to refuel. Shouldn’t see any action, but I know you know the drill,” she said.

Gordon checked his weapons and prepared to defend the chopper. As Rebecca refueled the craft, he took out the errant head crab. They were surprisingly few, despite an impressive number of shells in the area. “They seeded this area a decade ago,” Rebecca explained. “As far as they’re concerned, it’s abandoned. And they’re mostly right,” she added.

Soon they were ascending again. Gordon decided it was finally time to get some real sleep. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, but flashes and visions of the previous week tormented his rest. He had just drifted off when Colin and Rebecca began to shout.

 _Figures_ , he thought.


	2. Bear Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Alyx arrive in the Arctic, and find themselves in an unexpected paradise. But can they enjoy it?

It became clear that the voices from the cockpit were neither frightened nor concerned, but jubilant. “We made it!” Rebecca shouted.

“Bear Island, dead ahead,” Colin confirmed. It was late morning, and the autumn sun had just begun to rise, lighting the sky on fire and bathing the fog-shrouded rocks ahead in a hazy, bluish glow. Gazing past the sleeping Alyx, he saw sheer cliffs, craggy peaks and gnarled rock formations. Soon the landscape was dotted with lakes. There was not so much as a hint of civilization. “Ten minutes until we reach Bjørnøya Meteo.”

Gordon had absentmindedly placed his arm around Alyx’s shoulders, and he squeezed gently to wake her. She moaned quietly and squeezed her eyes closed more tightly, then opened them and looked about in a daze. “Oh, she said, glancing up at Gordon. “Hi.” She stretched in her seat and then looked out the window. “There’s a base here?”

“One of our finest,” Rebecca said. “Y’all will be joining a crew of half a dozen scientists plus a small maintenance staff. I won’t lie, I’m envious. Bear Island is the best posting a person could ask for. She looked at Colin, and they shared a laugh. Gordon furrowed his brow.

Colin looked back at Gordon and Alyx. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Bear Island is a place of great solitude and peace, in all the best ways. My co-pilot is not so fond of the quiet.”

Gordon felt his heart racing. Joining a crew? Solitude and quiet? He could hardly believe his ears. He looked to Alyx to gauge her reaction, but she was still staring out her window, silent and distant.

Rather suddenly, the landscape below became smoother and flatter, though it was still as gray and barren as anything Gordon had ever seen. Soon, a small cluster of metal buildings, painted barn red, came into view. The chopper quickly set down not far from the compound as the sun barely eased its way above the horizon.

They had landed at a fueling depot. As the foursome exited the craft, there was no sign of other humans, nor aliens, for that matter. The island seemed utterly devoid of life, save for a handful of seabirds that congregated at the nearby shore. Rebecca said, “We’re going to unload, refuel, and head back to the mainland. You two, head for the radio station. She nodded in the direction of a building flanked by several metal towers. “This base maintains radio silence, so you won’t be able to broadcast from here, but we’ll let Dr. Vance know you’re safe and sound. You’ll be able to monitor all communications.”

At Alyx’s gaping expression, Rebecca’s perpetual grimace deepened further. “I mean Dr. Kleiner. I’m so sorry, dear. You’re not alone in - well....”

Alyx seemed to slump, or possibly to relax, just a little. “I know,” she said. “Thank you.” She gave Rebecca a peck on the cheek, and the embraced Colin warmly. “Thank you both,” she said.

She put her hand against Gordon’s back and nudged him in the direction of the radio station. Together they walked in a breeze that was cool but pleasant. “I expected it to be freezing,” Alyx said. Gordon nodded in agreement.

Shortly, they found themselves inside a small but spacious building filled with equipment that spanned several decades. It seemed as deserted as the rest of the base, until a female voice ordered, “Stop where you are. Hands where I can see them.”

Gordon reached for his weapon - which one, he didn’t have time to decide, when Alyx cast him a stern, warning glance. Together, they raised their hands in the air, cautiously scanning the room for the source of the voice. A petite, freckled blonde woman appeared from behind a stack of crates, her shotgun trained on the pair. She stared at them for a moment, then lowered her weapon and smiled. “Alyx Vance. Gordon Freeman. You’re really here,” she said, and looked as if she could hug them both. She set the shotgun down on a nearby table and walked steadily toward them, hands outstretched. “Welcome to Bjørnøya Meteo,” she said, “the safest place in the world.”

==========

“I’m Sigrid,” the woman said. “I’m on the maintenance crew. And hospitality crew, I suppose.” She laughed, a pretty, musical sound. “This is the radio station, as you’ve probably figured out. I’ll take you over to the main building; that’s where we work, eat, and sleep. We’ll get you showered and changed, and then we’ll have lunch. After that, you can have a look around the compound."

It all sounded so simple, so structured, so _normal_.

Gravel crunched under their feet as they made their way to the largest building of the base. “We’re short on quarters, so I hope you don’t mind sharing space. The bunks are narrow but they’re comfortable. We gave you a room with a bunk bed; I hope that’s okay.” Gordon and Alyx looked at each other, smiled, and nodded. “That’s perfect,” Alyx said. “It’s been days since I slept in a real bed.” She glanced at Gordon. “Longer for this guy,” she added.

Sigrid smiled as if she understood. She knocked three times on the door of the main building, then opened it with a flourish. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” she called. “Boys and girls, may I present our esteemed guests!” She turned back to Gordon and Alyx. “Sorry for the strange reception. We’ve got systems in place to keep the island safe. Pretending not to exist is our first line of defense.”

Momentarily, a small group of people emerged from dark corners and behind furniture. Briefly, Gordon shivered, reminded for an instant of the way the zombies would appear as if from nowhere. But these creatures were definitely, delightfully human. He found himself smiling as each came up to introduce themselves. As Colin had said, there were six scientists - two former meteorologists, two physicists, a physician, and a geologist. The maintenance crew consisted of Sigrid, a shy young fellow called Igor, and two other humans and a Vortigaunt who were busy preparing lunch. “You’ll meet them later,” Sigrid assured them. “Now let’s get you two cleaned up. Lunch is a very serious affair around here!”

She showed them to their quarters. The room was small, but not cramped. It held the promised bunk beds, a long sofa, and a small desk. An alcove held a basin, but as Sigrid explained, the rest of the bathroom facilities were communal.

Laid out on the sofa was clean, warm-looking clothing. “We had to guess at your sizes,” Sigrid said apologetically. “If you need replacements, just ask.” She smiled brightly at them both. “See you in the dining hall at 12:00!” she said. “And please don’t be late,” she added. “Dr. Patel is very fond of his routine.”

 _Him and me both_ , Gordon thought. This place was going to be good for him.

==========

They gathered their clothing and made their way to the bathroom. There were two rooms, one holding a few toilet stalls, the other with a combination of showers and changing rooms cordoned off with canvas curtains. Gordon assumed Alyx was accustomed to shared facilities; he was not. He stood uncomfortably, suddenly realizing there was no way he was getting out of the HEV suit without help.

Evidently realizing his dilemma, Alyx said, “Here, let me get that for you.” With her assistance, he removed the suit’s components until he stood before her in nothing more than an undershirt and loose boxers. “Nice,” Alyx said with a wink. “You smell like a chum-toad. Get in the shower. She nudged him with her elbow, and he laughed a little.

“Oh,” she said at the sound. “I didn’t know you could. That’s...nice.”

Blushing a little, he slipped into a changing room and stripped down. He stepped into the shower and turned the tap, expecting a trickle of lukewarm water at best. Instead, it flowed fast and hot, the spray hard enough to sting his abraded skin. Wincing, he let the water wash over him. Nothing he could remember had ever felt better. He heard Alyx start her own tap, and a moment later, heard her yelp in delight. “Oh, my god, Gordon. Can we stay here forever?” she called. It sounded like a perfectly good idea to him.

==========

Not long after, they were safely ensconced in the compound’s dining room. It was a cozy affair, with wood-paneled walls and hardwood floors that were incongruous with the cold, metal exterior. A polar bear pelt decorated one wall. Hundreds of beer cans, displayed like trophies, bedecked another. To one side was the kitchen, where the crew of three humans and a Vortigaunt prepared a meal that smelled as if it came directly from heaven. There was fresh fish, seabird’s eggs, and a butter-laden concoction of potatoes and onions. As the entire staff and crew, now including Gordon and Alyx, settled in for lunch, the team’s leader, Dr. Patel, explained the history of the base.

“Before the war,” he explained, “this was a weather station. When the Combine first arrived on the island, there were a mere eight people here. The Combine left them alone. They also,” he said, pausing to clean his wire-rimmed glasses, “left them completely cut off. Within several months, they perished without supplies.” Everyone at the table bowed their heads momentarily, with Gordon and Alyx following suit. “Eventually,” Patel continued, “the rebel factions honed in on radio signals from this location. Some brave souls made their way here, and discovered the abandoned meteorological station. It was a glorious day for the Resistance," he said, pausing as if to drink in the memory. “Rebel scientists soon realized they could recalibrate the equipment to track portal storms. From that point, we were able to predict, with no small degree of accuracy, when and where the Combine would next deploy. By predicting the appearance of Xen fauna, we could determine the safest locations for future bases.

“Of course, our science was not exact. We could not have predicted the rapid adaptation the Xen fauna would endure, nor could we predict the utter, relentless determination and cruelty of the Combine. Happily, we also could not have predicted their complete disinterest in small, disjointed pockets of humanity. It would appear they have no interest in us whatsoever, and so we have persisted, unmolested, for nearly two full decades. We eat well, we drink on occasion, and we watch the Combine like the proverbial hawk.

“Unfortunately, if we are to maintain our solitude, we must not broadcast from our - and I don’t mean to brag - rather impressive radio facilities. However, we act as a clearinghouse of information, if you will. We are the communications arm of a vast, underground intelligence, and may I just be the first to say that we could not be more honored to have the two of you join us in our work here.” At this, the rest of the crew stood and applauded, gazing at Gordon and Alyx as if they were no small-time celebrities.

The Vortigaunt raised its glass of crystal-clear water and said, “All hail the Free Man and the Alyx Vance. It is the pleasure of all who serve to share libations with such honorable guests.”

“Here, here,” someone said.

“Cheers!” said another.

Though he was a bit overwhelmed, Gordon couldn’t help taking some delight in the celebration. He looked to Alyx, who appeared to be equally both flustered and pleased. They toasted along with the group. Without a thought, Gordon leaned over and kissed Alyx on the top of her head. She looked at him with a mixture of confusion and pleasure, and returned the gesture with the slightest peck to his cheek, followed by a blushing smile. They held their gaze as the rest continued to toast in at least a dozen languages.

The group dined together happily, and as the last of the food disappeared, Dr. Patel said, “Tomorrow, we will fill you in on our mission. Today, you rest. I am happy to inform you that this facility hosts a sauna, of which you are welcome to partake. Dinner is at 18:00 hours, and lights out at 21:00. It will be quite dark within the hour, so I encourage you to familiarize yourselves with the outside of the facility. If you see or hear anything, _anything_ out of the ordinary, you are to hide, immediately.” His brow creased. “I don’t think I need to make that any more clear to the two of you. Alyx and Gordon nodded solemnly. “Good. Then, for now, please enjoy yourselves. We know you have seen dark and desperate days. It is time for peace.” He smiled warmly

==========

Left to their own devices, Gordon and Alyx wandered about the grounds. Aside from the radio station and the main building, there was a large workshop, where Alyx might happily have settled and stayed indefinitely. There was a garage housing snowmobiles and tractors, and a handful of maintenance buildings.

Near the edge of the compound, they came across a whimsical sign with hand-painted arrows pointing in every direction, indicating the distance to such places as Moscow, New York, Honolulu, and London. Alyx gazed at the sign. “They seem familiar,” she said. Together they stared at the sign, as if taking a moment of silence for the loss of so, so much. Then Alyx said, “What’s that ‘sauna’ thing Patel mentioned? He seemed pretty excited about it.” The sun had already begun to set, and briefly, Gordon wondered if it was safe for them to be out.

Despite the shower, he still felt painfully stiff, and couldn’t think of a better use of time than relaxing in a steam-filled room in the arctic. He shook took stock of the remaining buildings. At last his eyes settled on a likely culprit - a small cabin with a plume of smoke issuing forth from a small chimney. Gently, he took Alyx’s wrist in his hand and guided her toward the building. Inside, he was grateful to find two separate changing rooms, though the steam room itself was co-ed. He cocked his head at her, gauging her willingness to join him. She returned his look, and said bluntly, “You want me to get naked?” At that, he laughed, and gave her what he hoped was a roguish smile. He plucked a thread-bare, but soft, white towel from a shelf and handed it to her. “So that would be a ‘yes,’ then,” she smirked.

Alone in his own dressing room, Gordon stripped down and wrapped a towel around his waist. For the first time, he became painfully aware of the mottle bruising that covered his entire body, not to mention countless scars and barely-healed lacerations. The privacy of the shower had allowed him to ignore his wounds. The threat of exposure made himself conscious and more than a little anxious.

“Hey, hero,” Alyx called, “you coming in here or what?”

Like a child coming down the stairs on Christmas morning, he ducked into the steam room. Alyx was wrapped in two towels - one on her head, the other around her body, eyes closed and head leaned back against the wood plank wall. She said, “Is this what the world was like before? Because if it was, now I know what I’m fighting for.” She looked more relaxed than he’d ever seen her, and possibly more than he’d ever seen another human.

At the fire end of the room, a fire burned in an enclosed woodstove. Atop it was a basin filled with smooth stones, and next to the basin were several pitchers of water. He doused the stones, which hissed pleasantly, and a thick steam filled the room.

Slowly, Alyx opened her eyes, and seemed startled to find him standing before her, virtually naked. “Dr. Freeman, I presume,” she said, and gave him a sly smile.

He smiled back and took a seat on the bench across from her. He suddenly realized no physician would have authorized a sauna visit in the state they both were in, still bruised and battered from recent events. It didn’t matter. He felt every muscle in his body relaxing for the first time in five days. Or twenty years. He couldn’t be sure.

Alyx smiled and her eyes seemed to twinkle. “This is amazing,” she said. “After this, I want some of that ‘drink’ Patel mentioned. Then, I think we should go dancing.” She winked. “Kidding about the dancing. And the drinking. Mostly.” She closed her eyes again and leaned back, becoming silent.

He stared at her, waiting for her to say something else. After a moment, she sighed, and he watched as a single tear - or was it perspiration - rolled down her cheek. “I can’t believe he’s gone,” she said.

He wanted to go to her, hold her, comfort her - but they were both wrapped in towels, and he was fairly certain that the moment he felt her skin against his, he would forget the very important reason he was holding her, and much baser but equally important reasons would take over, and it would be no short time before he hated himself. So he sat, silent and useless, and watched as she quietly sobbed.

==========

Dinner was no less of an affair than lunch, and this time the group had agreed to break out a few bottles of wine for the occasion. Gordon watched as the Vortigaunt raised a glass to its strange mouth, and wondered vaguely how an inebriated Vort might behave. Shouts of “Skoll!” interrupted his thoughts, and he joined in the toast. Alyx was more subdued than at lunch, but she seemed relatively at peace. He knew that eventually the damn would break, and she would have to mourn, but for now, they had their mission. He knew better than anyone that the mission was everything. It had to be.

As it turned out, they did dance after dinner. One of the cooks had a mix tape of 1980s and ‘90s music, and a cassette deck on which to play it. Soon the room was moving in clumsy rhythm to “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” and dozens of other songs from Gordon’s fairly recent youth, and he realized that Alyx was a lousy dancer, which made it much easier to sweep her into his arms and dance lousily with her. They swayed, and spun, and laughed, and then she kissed him, full on the lips this time, and before he could respond, she had taken his arm and was sweeping him into a clumsy spin, as Morrissey crooned, “I am the son, and the heir, of a silence that is criminally vulgar....”

==========

True to his word, Dr. Patel called for lights out two hours after dinner, despite grumbling from the crew. Just a little bit drunk and high from the day, Gordon and Alyx skip-stumbled down the hall toward their shared cabin. Once they were inside the room, Gordon became serious. He placed his hands gently on Alyx’s shoulders and kissed her softly on her head. She leaned up, tilting her head toward his, but he placed a finger against her lips before kissing her, quickly, lovingly, but with finality.

He sat down on the sofa and slipped out of the civilian clothes he’d been given, down to his boxers and undershirt. Almost glaring at him, she remained near the door. She pulled her new sweatshirt over her head, revealing a tight-fitting sports bra, then shimmied out of her pants. His breath caught in his throat as she stood before him, virtually naked for as tight as her underthings fit. “Gordon,” she said, and started to approach him. He raised a finger to his lips, and patted the sofa beside him. She sat down, looking a bit dejected.

He kissed her forehead, and she smiled. “I want more than that,” she said. He took her chin in his hand and smiled, but then shook his head, slowly. At that, she became angry, and pushed his hand away. “We’re in paradise, Gordon. Fucking paradise. We might not ever get this chance again.” She stood up and made her way to the window. Snow was beginning to fall. “I don’t know what happens tomorrow,” she said. “You get assigned to your team, and I get assigned to mine, and then we’re nodding to each other in the halls, and maybe we eat together, but maybe we don’t, because what happened today was special, and I know it, and you know it, and, goddamnit, I miss you already, even though you're right there.

“I don’t know how to live without us saving each other’s asses. I don’t know how!” she practically wailed. “I just lost Dad. I can’t lose you. I feel like we’re finally safe, if only for a while, and if being safe mean I lose you, I’d rather go back to White Forest and fight fucking aliens with you. _Please_ don’t leave me just because we’re safe.

_I am the son and heir, of nothing in particular._

He wanted to put his arms around her, draw her in close, kiss her, make love with her. Why couldn’t he? The Citadel was gone, the desire was there -

Eli. This was Eli’s daughter. And Eli was dead. It was a perfect storm of wrong that he couldn’t push past.

“Go to hell, Gordon,” she said, and climbed into the upper bunk, still so close. In a moment, she was snoring softly.

_Just shut your mouth, how can you say_ _  
I go about things the wrong way_   
_I am human and I need to be loved_ _  
Just like everybody else does_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completely rewritten Chapter 2 from what I'd previously posted. I literally hated it. I'm sorry, I know that's bad form, but I've thrown in some Smiths to make up for it. I have ten chapters written and I'm going to massage them to within an inch of their lives before posting them so this won't happen again. Please enjoy. Thank you for reading!


	3. The Grind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyx and Gordon get to work and find themselves happy with a routine. But can it last?

Gordon awoke to a station-wide alarm at 6:00 a.m. The darkness was palpable. He knew it would be hours before the sun rose, and the desire to sleep until then was embedded into him as it always had been. He would never be an early riser, at least not by choice.

“Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman.” There was no time for sleep, no matter how much he craved it.

Alyx was already up and gone. No doubt she’d made her way to the workshop that had so gripped her attention when they’d first arrived. He was sorry not to see her, and hoping a good night’s sleep had taken the edge off her anger.

Breakfast was at 07:00. Seabirds’ eggs, well-cured bacon, and pancakes with what tasted like real maple syrup. Alyx wasn’t there. Gordon ate in silence, surrounded by the jovial conversation of his new compatriots. As it had always been.

Suddenly he missed Barney, and wondered if his friend was alright. He’d make a point of spending time at the radio station today, to see if any relevant news might bleed through.

He spent the morning with his new team - Patel and Rivers, the physicists; Jameson, the Geologist. Their job was to find a way to pinpoint the location of the Borealis and determine if there was a way to predict its appearance. It was almost certainly nearby, they knew, but it had proven troublesome to get a lock on. The hypothesis was that it was actively teleporting on a regular basis, only occasionally finding its way back to the ice where Mossman had tracked it. The notion fascinated Gordon, and he could hardly wait to get to work.

He would happily have worked through lunch, but Dr. Patel tolerated no deviation from the daily routine. Gordon had to admit he was hungry, and he wanted to see Alyx, but when he arrived in the dining room, she wasn’t there. He was happy to see Sigrid, piling plates with food and serving them to the hungry crew. When he reached her, she smiled and said, “Dr. Freeman. Is Alyx doing any better?”

Gordon creased his brow and gave her a questioning look. “Oh,” she said. You haven’t seen her, have you. “She...” Sigrid trailed off, then continued, “She was really upset this morning. She hung out at the station with me most of the morning, listening for news from White Forest. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, but I assume she was feeling sad about Dr. Vance.” She gave a sad little smile. “I think she was going to go back to your quarters. Dr. Patel gave her a pass on lunch. Special circumstances, you know.” Gordon nodded, and smiled in thanks.

He ate quickly, knowing Patel would not want to see him leave without eating, but hoping to find Alyx before the next shift began. Once he’d deposited his plate in a bus tub, he hurried down the hall to their quarters. Pausing at the door, he knocked before slowly opening it. Alyx was sitting at the desk, her head in her hands. When she looked up at him, her eyes were red and puffy, but dry. “Oh, Gordon,” she said, and immediately rushed over to embrace him. He put his arms around her and held her as she buried her head in his chest.

“I’m sorry,” she said. He squeezed her gently and stepped back to look at her. “You were right. I can’t pretend everything is perfect when we both know it’s not. I’ve been trying to run away from...you know. And I can’t. I know I can’t. She choked a little as if fighting back tears. “Anyway, I was a jerk, and you were being decent, and I’m sorry.” He smiled at her, and he desperately wanted to kiss her to let her know it was okay, but he realized that would be the worst thing he could do. Instead, he sat down on the sofa. Alyx sat beside him.

“I spent the morning at the radio station," she said. “There wasn’t a lot of chatter, but I did hear something from White Forest. They said something like, ‘Crazy Bear has returned to the den.’ Do you think that means what I think it does?” Gordon smiled broadly, and nodded. Crazy Bear was almost certainly code for Barney Calhoun, and he was safe. “Oh, thank god,” Alyx said. She put her face in her hands for a moment, then abruptly stood up. “I wonder if they’re planning a memorial for Dad,” she said. Gordon stood and put his hands on her shoulders. “I mean, I’m sure they’ve - they’ll have to have done something.... They’ll wait until we get back, before they have a service. I’m sure they’ll wait. Oh god, Barney must be heartbroken.”

Gordon felt a sudden pang of guilt for not being present when his friend received the horrible news. Of course, he'd been absent for 20 years of bad news, but this felt so personal, somehow. The three of them had been there for Black Mesa together, along with Kleiner and even Magnusson. It was nothing short of a miracle they’d all made it this far.

“Gordon," Alyx said, “are you okay?” He realized he’d shed a tear, and he tried to smile reassuringly, and gave a little nod. Then he held his hands over his heart. “I know," she said. “I know I’m not alone. It’s just so hard. I know it’s hard for you, too.” She pulled him into a gentle embrace.

The end of lunch signal sounded, startling them both. Alyx laughed. “I guess I’d better go make myself useful, before Dr. Patel’s patience runs out," she said. “I’m heading out to the workshop. See you at dinner, I guess.” Gordon smiled and nodded, and together they left the room. As they walked through the main hall, they were greeted with smiles from the remaining crew. Sigrid gave Gordon a subtle thumbs-up sign. He chuckled and looked at the floor.

By the time Gordon returned to the meteorological station, the rest of the team was already there. “Ah, Dr. Freeman, there you are!” said Dr. Patel. “When you left lunch so hurriedly, we were convinced you’d had a breakthrough.” He patted Gordon on the back. “I’m sure whatever kept you was at least as important,” he said. “Now, good people, back to work.”

Gordon returned to the table where he’d left his notes. Already he’d scribbled dozens of pages of equations, questions and notes. He re-read them quickly, scanning for anything he might have missed. Suddenly, Dr. Rivers shouted, “It’s back! The Borealis has rematerialized, right where we expected. Interval time, 42 hours, 35 minutes and 16 seconds. Hold on,” she said. She tapped at her keyboard. “Okay,” she said, "we have a pattern. It’s irregular, but it appears to be predictable. Gordon joined Dr. Rivers and looked over her shoulders at the monitor. She had a spreadsheet displaying the intervals at which the Borealis had appeared. Sure enough, a pattern was emerging. “If we could just track it to its other destinations,” she said, clearly frustrated. “But we haven’t seen anything that displays a similar pattern. Looks like we’re going to be stuck digging through the ice. Anyway, if the pattern holds, it will be in this location for roughly 24 minutes. Then it will be not quite two days before we see it again.”

Two days. Gordon felt fairly elated. Two days to confirm the pattern - two days they could stay in this wonderful place. Then Patel said, “Dr. Freeman, considering the urgency of the situation, it might be wise for you and Miss Vance to make your way to these coordinates. The team at the Svalbard base will need to excavate a path to the Borealis, with adequate space for exploration of the ship. We need you and Miss Vance to relay the coordinates and the information we’ve obtained.

Gordon felt every muscle in his body tense up. If he’d had his crowbar, he would have been hard-pressed not to slam it against Patel’s head. _No_ , his brain insisted. _We are not leaving yet._ The Borealis had been confirmed at this location three times. Three times! Yes, there was a pattern, but this was hardly a confirmation. And there was no predicting what an excavation might do. And Alyx was still in mourning; she needed more time. And so did he. For once, humanity could wait. He winced at the thought - but it was honest, if brutal.

“Dr. Freeman, you have concerns?” Patel said. Gordon nodded curtly and went back to his workspace. He began calculating what effect excavation might have on the literal, physical location of the ship. They didn’t yet know exactly how corporeal it was when it made its appearance. Would it occupy the same space, or would such a drastic change in the immediate environment cause a shift? Would removing the surrounding ice effect the timing of the appearances? All of these things were potentially predictable, through the infinite beauty of mathematics, and he would be damned if he was going to charge into battle yet again without knowing exactly what he was getting into. And he certainly wasn’t going to drag Alyx into some half-baked plan. Not when he could finally, actually, do something about it. For once.

==========

At 18:00 the dinner signal sounded. Gordon threw his pencil across the desk and buried his head in his hands. No one had dared approach him for the hours he’d been working, but Patel walked up to him now, and said, “Dr. Freeman, there’s a reason I insist my team keeps regular hours. You are working yourself to exhaustion. Come and dine with us.” With a sigh, Gordon rose and accompanied his team to the dining room.

He couldn’t have felt happier to see Alyx. She looked rested, and a bit pleased. “I started building a cleaning robot,” she said. “Sigrid could use some help around here.” Gordon smiled at her and laughed rather loudly, at which Alyx grinned. “Okay, ‘robot’ might be an overstatement. But she’ll have to do a lot less sweeping.”

Again, the mood at dinner was festive, though subdued compared to the previous evening. About halfway through the meal, Patel tapped his glass with his spoon. “My friends,” he said, “we have good news. The Borealis has appeared regularly for three cycles. We may be close to a breakthrough.” The crew applauded politely. “However,” the scientist continued, “our Dr. Freeman has concerns, and has undertaken no small effort in addressing them. In the morning, I will review his calculations. In the mean time, I’m sure you will continue to make our guests feel welcome and comfortable.” At this, the crew grew jovial once again.

Gordon and Alyx smiled at each other, but Gordon was ill at ease. He didn’t want to be a guest. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay here. observing and calculating and pondering and being safe and comfortable, with Alyx by his side - when she wasn’t building cleaning robots. He wanted more than a day, more than two days, hell, more than a week to deal with the non-stop terror that had come before. He was close to breaking, he realized, and one more encounter with the Combine might well be his undoing.

==========

Dinner ended, and Alyx leaned toward Gordon and whispered, “Sauna?” He nodded absently. “You sure?” she said. “It won’t be just us. Sigrid and Dr. Rivers are going as well. I think they have a thing.” Gordon chuckled. The idea of sharing the sauna was much less appealing than spending time with Alyx alone, but it also seemed much safer.

Soon the four of them were ensconced in the steam-filled room. “Dr. Freeman has concerns about my calculations,” Rivers said. Gordon scowled and shook his head. “No?” she said. “You sure seemed to spend a lot of time trying to disprove them.” Gordon sighed and rubbed his forehead.

“Sorry,” Rivers said. “I shouldn’t talk about work during down time." Sigrid smiled at her and they squeezed each other’s hands.

They foursome sat in silence for a while, enjoying the steam. Alyx rested her head briefly on Gordon’s shoulder, then sat up straight again. “I’ll be honest,” she said. “I don’t want to leave here.”

“Give it two months, when the sun never comes up,” Rivers said. _Maybe you should go fight the Combine_ , Gordon thought, and quickly felt ashamed.

As if reading his mind, Alyx said, “Is it true you’ve never been bothered by the Combine here? Not in twenty years?”

“Not since they murdered the original crew,” Rivers said. “As you’ve seen, we keep a low profile. We’re remote enough we can’t cause them problems, at least as far as they know. Xen fauna can’t survive here any more than Earth fauna can. Hell, there’s not so much as a tree on the entire damned island.”

“It seems like a fair price to pay,” Alyx said.

“Maybe to you. I used to live in Maui.” At this, Sigrid patted her hand. “It’s not so bad for Siggi, she’s from Norway. But for me...”

Alyx chuckled dryly. “I don’t think you know what it’s like out there,” she said, and Gordon could tell she was struggling to keep her voice calm. “The Combine are everywhere. The cities...well, I don’t really remember what it was like before. But it’s awful, I know that much.”

“I’ve heard,” Rivers said, and the room fell silent again. When the silence became more than uncomfortable, Rivers said, “I’ve been here for thirteen years. I saw what they did to my island. I watched them murder my friends and my family. Don’t think I don’t know what it’s like out there. I watched them destroy paradise. They left Maui a desert.” She began to cry, as Sigrid held her. “I don’t want to be here,” she said, “but when I’m here I can imagine that everything’s okay. I can pretend I’m doing something. I can pretend it’s all okay. God, but I hate it here. She began to truly weep, deeply and inconsolably.

Alyx went to her side, and she and Sigrid held her and tried to comfort her. After a time, she took a deep breath and gently pushed the other two women away. “Dr. Freeman, I’m sorry you had to see that,” she said. She smiled at the women beside her. Gordon shook his head and smiled as well. “You seem like a good man,” she said. “Not like what they say.” Gordon’s smile vanished. He could only imagine what his reputation might be.

As if sensing he needed salvation, Alyx said, “It’s been a long day. Gordon, let’s go rest.” He was relieved at her choice of words. She stood and offered him her hand.

"Looks like love isn’t dead out there, at least,” Rivers said. Alyx blushed a little and Gordon smiled.

==========

They dressed in their individual rooms and made their way back to their quarters. “That was awkward,” Alyx said as they walked. Gordon looked at her, raised his eyebrows, and nodded. “So what’s up?” she said. “You don’t trust her calculations?” Gordon furrowed his brow and shook his head, ‘no.’

“No, you don’t trust her calculations, or no, that’s not it?”

Gordon sighed. “Sorry,” Alyx said. “Do you trust her calculations?” He nodded. “So there’s something else.” He nodded again. “Okay,” Alyx said. “Will you have time to figure it all out?” He stopped, turned to her, and shrugged. “Okay,” she said. “Well, I have faith in you. Whatever it is, you’ll get there.” When he didn’t respond, she said, “Won’t you?”

He couldn’t hide his sadness. “Oh shit, Gordon, what is it? Are they trying to ship us out of here?” Unable to hide his reaction, he simply nodded. “But you’re not sure if we’re ready. Because of me, or because of the calculations?" He raised both hands. _A little of each,_ he signaled. “Well, shit,” she said. “But Dr. Patel will look at your calculations. He’ll get it,” she said. Gordon considered this, and then nodded. “Okay,” she said. “I think so too. I mean, I hope so.”

They returned to their quarters in silence. Alyx undressed quickly and climbed up to her bunk. Gordon did the same, pleased to know she was so close. "Gordon,” she said, “sleep well. It’s going to be okay. It has to be.” She dropped her hand down, and he took it in his, and squeezed. He thought he heard her murmur, “I love you.” He squeezed her hand again, just in case he wasn’t wrong.


	4. Return of the Borealis

The next morning they rose together, dined together, and parted ways with a blend of excitement and fear. Alyx headed back to the workshop, and Gordon, to the weather station. Dr. Patel was already there, reviewing Gordon’s notes. He gave a curt smile as Gordon entered, and said, “I acknowledge your concerns. Nonetheless, my opinion holds.”

Gordon shook his head. Patel said, “You disagree with my findings, or you refuse to go?” Gordon smiled and nodded rather vigorously. “I see. Both,” Patel said. “I had anticipated as much. And, I am willing to accept your conclusions.” Gordon nearly melted with relief. “I have ordered a crew at Svalbard to begin excavation,” Patel said. “In less than two days, we will be able to observe the results. That is, assuming our calculations are correct. Which I am fairly certain they are.”

Gordon smiled. He wanted to hug Dr. Patel, but instead he returned to his workspace. Now it was time to predict what might happen with the ice covering the Borealis’ usual position gone. In less than two days, he’d know if he was correct. In the mean time, he could play with dozens of possible alternatives. He felt perfectly, wonderfully at home.

==========

Lunch, again. Still pleasant, still tasty. Still almost a day before they’d have results. Gordon was restless. Alyx could tell, he knew. She put a hand on his arm as she laughed with Sigrid and Dr. Rivers - Robin. She was making friends. Of course she was. She was brilliant, lovely, perfect. He should make more time to spend with her. He had to predict the next position of the Borealis. He couldn’t, not without further observation. He was going out of his mind.

Evening, dinner. The Vortigaunt joined them again. There was a rotation, he realized - certain crew joined on for alternating meals. That was nice, he supposed. He liked it when the Vortigaunt was there. He’d grown fond of their odd turn of phrase.

That night it was the geologist, Dr. Jameson, who joined them in the sauna. He was a small man, with a mop of silver curls and a pleasant face. “This never gets old,” he said, smiling brightly at the two young people across from him. “If we had a hot tub, this would be a resort.” Gordon and Alyx chuckled.

“Dr. Jameson,” Alyx said. “I’m curious about something. How is it possible for the Svalbard crew to excavate so quickly, and won’t they draw the attention of the Combine?”

Dr. Jameson smiled again and his eyes seemed to sparkle. “Ah, the Polar BEAR takes all the worry out of that,” he said.

Gordon cocked his head. Alyx said, “Polar bear?”

“B-E-A-R,” Dr. Jameson said. “’Bot for Excavation of Arctic Regions. It’s an autonomous, burrowing robot whose original purpose was to create habitable research spaces in inhospitable regions, digging tunnels through permafrost and ice much as the polar bears do. Thanks to some modifications using Combine technology, it is incredibly efficient.” Alyx nodded in approval. “Is it still used for its original purpose?” she asked.

“Oh, yes indeed. The Svalbard outpost is almost entirely underground. It’s something like one of those old ice hotels tourists used to visit, but much more permanent, and virtually invisible to the Combine. Until that blasted ship was discovered, Svalbard was nearly as safe as this place. Of course, they don’t have a sauna.” He smiled again and took a sip from his mug of tea. Gordon wondered how he could enjoy a hot drink in the sweltering room.

Soon Robin and Sigrid joined, and the tiny space became cramped. Gordon and Alyx excused themselves and headed back to what Gordon was growing to think of as home. A light snow had begun to fall. The green glow of the northern lights flickered and danced overhead, and they paused for moment to enjoy the show. A snowflake landed on Alyx’s eyelashes, and Gordon gently brushed it away. They stood silently together in the bitter cold, and Gordon hoped Alyx felt even close to as happy as he did.

When they got back to the cabin, they sat on the sofa, side by side, and Alyx explained, in vivid detail, about the cleaning robot she was building for Sigrid. Gordon listened intently, but soon drifted off. They woke together at the morning alarm, nestled in each other’s arms.

==========

After breakfast, Alyx joined the crew at the meteorological station. All through the morning, they checked and rechecked their notes, pondered their calculations, and speculated about what might happen. Then, at last, it was time.

“Here we go,” Rivers said. “The excavation of the site is complete. If we’re correct, the Borealis will appear in exactly the same location as always, regardless of the change in the surrounding ice pack. Evidence suggests the Borealis exists outside of our space-time. However, Dr. Freeman has hypothesized that the ship’s behavior post-materialization may be unpredictable.”

Sure enough, the ship appeared exactly where it was expected. It flickered into existence in the usual location, now much more visible thanks to the work of the BEAR.

As the small group watched, the Borealis seemed to shift ever so slightly, flickering a moment and then becoming decidedly solid. There was a horrific groaning sound, and the cameras went dark. There were shouts on the other end of the transmission, and then nothing. The screen shifted to white noise.

“What just happened?” Alyx said. Gordon’s expression was one of utter bafflement, and he shook his head slowly. Dr. Rivers said, “I have no idea.”


	5. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems nothing good can last, especially where Alyx and Gordon are concerned.

Alyx was fairly certain she’d seen every possible expression cross Gordon Freeman’s face - terror, rage, delight, tenderness, and everything in between - but she’d never seen him look uncertain. He shook his head and punched several buttons on the console before him, but the signal from Svalbard base was gone. The team of scientists looked at one another, clearly uncertain as to how to proceed. Gordon sat down at a nearby table and began sorting through a pile of notes. Dr. Rivers - Robin - did the same. As Alyx watched, the room exploded in flurry of activity. She felt extraneous, and she didn’t like it. She examined the receiver, hoping to determine whether the fault might be at their end. She found nothing wrong with the equipment. “We should use the shortwave to try and get in touch with them,” she said, knowing how well that would go over.

“No!” Dr. Patel shouted, looking up from his work. “We must maintain radio silence. As soon as Svalbard is able to transmit, they will inform us of their status.”

“They might need help,” Alyx said, realizing all too well what she was saying. “We have to get a chopper here, as soon as possible.”

Though Gordon was still buried in his work, she saw a pained look cross his face. She knew that he knew as well as she did, it was time for them to go.

Dr. Patel sighed. “I’ll signal for transportation,” he said, and left. Alyx felt tears stinging her eyes, but there was no apparent choice. If all went as expected, the Borealis would vanish again in less than twenty minutes, and it would be two days before its reappearance. But the pattern appeared to have shifted, and every moment they waited was an opportunity for the Combine to make calculations of their own. There simply wasn’t time to spare.

Alyx joined Gordon at his workspace. “Any better ideas?” she said. He shook his head sadly. “Okay,” she said. “Okay." She put her face in her hands for a moment, “Then let’s get suited up.”

Gordon slammed his fist against the table, causing his papers to shift and startling Alyx more than she wanted to show. She knew he wasn’t ready to go back into the fray, any more than she was, but they had no choice. The weight of the world was on their shoulders.

==========

It would be two hours before the chopper arrived, and Dr. Patel insisted they share one, final lunch together. This time, the entire crew gathered. Alex sat between Gordon and Siggi. The Vortigaunt took the head of the table. “The fates smile upon the Alyx Vance and the Free Man,” they said. “Your journey will bear fruit.”

Alyx nodded, and smiled in thanks. “I hope you’re right,” she said.

“It has been seen,” said the Vortigaunt. A little chill passed through her

Gordon was silent as ever, barely looking up from his plate. Alyx ran her hand across his arm, and smiled a little at the goosebumps the gesture seemed to raise. “We’re doing good,” she said. “We’re doing what we have to do.” Gordon placed his free hand over hers and gave a little squeeze, but his expression was forlorn.

They had half an hour after lunch to pack and change. It was time for Gordon to return to the safety of his HEV suit. The Vortigaunt had seen to its refurbishment. Before helping him back into his armor, Alyx put a hand on his arm. “I...” she said softly, “I love you. I told you the other night, but I don’t know if you heard. I need you know that.” She cocked her head and waited for his response. He smiled, a tiny, soft, beautiful smile that told her everything she needed to know. “Okay, good,” she said. “Let’s get you suited up.” Piece by piece, she helped him get into his armor. “I hate this thing,” she said. “Except for how it keeps you alive.” He smiled again, more tenderly than ever, and it nearly broke her heart. Once again, it was too late to touch him, to hold him. Once again, he was a superhero, and a thousand miles away.

==========

They heard the chopper landing and hurried to the fueling station. Alyx was relieved to see Colin and Rebecca emerge from the helicopter. Alyx rushed to hug Rebecca, then said, “Is it true Barney made it back?”

“It’s true,” Rebecca said. “He and his group were a little banged up - seems their train derailed halfway from the city to White Forest. No casualties, though, thank goodness. He’s fine, sweetie, don’t you worry.”

Alyx sighed. “That’s good news. Thanks, we needed some.” Gordon nodded in agreement, and Alyx was happy to see his relieved expression, if it only lasted a moment. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and stood shifting his weight from one foot to another. Was he anxious to get going, or worried about leaving? “Hey,” she said, and gave him a thumbs-up. He smiled and looked at the ground. “I guess we should get on board,” she said, hoping she sounded encouraging. Gordon nodded and took the lead, climbing into the craft without a look back. Alyx followed and sat down beside him. He looked exhausted, bedraggled, and sad. She wanted to reach out, to try and comfort him, but she felt this was not the time. They had no idea what lay ahead, and neither of them could afford the distraction.

“Ready, my friends?" Colin asked.

“As we’ll ever be,” Alyx said.

==========

The ocean below - what was left of it - was dark and empty. The sun hovered near the horizon, as it had for most of the day, casting an orange glow to the clouds but leaving the water immersed in shadow. “Two hours to landfall,” Colin said. “You two might as well get some rest. We’ll wake you.”

Alyx wasn’t tired, though, and Gordon didn’t seem to be either. She smiled reassuringly at him, and he smiled back, but his gaze remained distant. She put her hand over his and squeezed gently, but he merely leaned his head back and closed his eyes. _Don’t shut me out now_ , she thought. A moment later, his hand was brushing her cheek, and he was looking at her with such longing and sadness, she nearly choked. “Gordon,” she said, “we’re going to be okay. We’re going to do this, like we always do.” She saw tears welling in his eyes, and it frightened her. She shook her head slowly. “I’m here for you,” she said. “You be here, too.” With a tiny smile, he nodded.

She noticed he hadn’t brought his notes with him. When she commented on this, he merely shrugged. Of course. If they were getting into what they feared, notes would do neither of them any good.

“I finished Siggi's cleaning robot,” she said, desperate for some distraction. "Even added a mopping attachment. Hopefully she’ll get more time at the radio station. That’s what she loves most, monitoring communications. She wants to be part of the resistance.” She’d miss Siggi, and Robin, and the rest of the crew. She drew a tight breath through her teeth, wishing more than ever that Gordon would say something, anything. He wouldn’t, of course, so she stated what was obvious: “I’m going to miss Bjørnøya.” Gordon nodded almost imperceptibly.

His eyes were half closed, and she wondered if he was drifting off to sleep. She lay her head on his shoulder and smiled as he kissed the top of her head. He began to absentmindedly stroke her hair, and she leaned in a little closer. They stayed nestled together like that for the rest of the trip.


	6. On Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alyx and Gordon arrive at the Arctic station. The Borealis is still there - but for how long?

It wasn’t fair, Gordon reasoned. He realized the thought was childish, and he didn’t care. Because it wasn’t. By rights, he should be back at Bjørnøya, analyzing data and drawing conclusions. Exactly when had he become the savior of humanity, anyway? Who had anointed him?

Oh yeah. The weird dude in the ill-fitting suit.

Still, it wasn’t fair, and he was going to allow himself a moment of self-pity. The most beautiful woman in the world was resting on his chest. He wanted to take her out to dinner - though he'd never been particularly good at dating. He wanted one more night in the sauna, bolstered by the familiarity of it. He wanted to spend time in the station with his new comrades and figure out what was going on before diving headfirst into yet another unknown situation. He did not want to spill any more blood.

He rubbed his face with both hands and groaned a little. Alyx looked up at him, concerned. He smiled and stroked her hair again, but instead of settling into him, she sat up. “Look,” she said, gesturing out the window. “We’re over land.” Sure enough, the ocean had given way to vast fields of white, surrounded by tundra - they were above a glacier-covered island, and the chopper was descending.

They landed in a dry riverbed, near which was the Svlalbard station. It was much smaller than Bjørnøya, with a couple of large building surrounded by a handful of cabins. A storm was blowing in, and a fresh coating of snow dusted everything. “Here we are,” Rebecca said. The place was apparently deserted, with no footprints evident in the snow, and Gordon hoped the inhabitants were merely hiding again. But as the foursome explored among the buildings, they saw no one. There was evidence of recent activity inside, but not a soul to be found.

“They’re probably at the outpost,” Colin said.

Alyx said, “I thought this was the outpost.”

Colin shook his head. “This is the research base. The outpost is out on the glacier. There is a network of underground tunnels not far from here. That is where you will find the Borealis. Or, where you’ll probably find it.”

Alyx nodded. “Okay. And how do we get there?” she said. Colin pulled a crumbled piece of paper from his pocket. On it was sketched a crude map, with vague directions and a set of coordinates for the outpost. It was a short distance to the glacier, but too treacherous to walk in the impending storm. They found a garage housing a large tractor and three snowmobiles, all equipped with GPS systems. “I guess we’re driving,” Alyx said. Gordon frowned and nodded. “Just follow me and you’ll be fine,” Alyx teased.

“You two be careful out there,” Rebecca said. “If you run into a polar bear, don’t get all sentimental. Protect yourselves,” she said. Gordon and Alyx nodded solemnly.

The four said their goodbyes, and Gordon and Alyx loaded up what little gear they had onto the backs of the snowmobiles. If they were lucky, they’d find the research team and the tunnels. If they weren’t lucky - well, that wasn’t worth thinking about. Gordon supposed they could always turn around and return to the station if worst came to worst.

==========

In a short time, they made their way across the glacier, and arrived at the coordinates Colin had given them. The sun had dipped down yet again, but thanks to the nearly-full moon penetrating the clouds and reflecting off the glacier, they were not in total darkness. There was no meeting party, which added to the sense of dread that seemed to have been growing between them since the cameras first went dark. “Surely they know we’re coming,” Alyx said.

 _If there’s anyone left,_ Gordon thought.

In the deepening twilight, they searched for anything that might be an entrance to the tunnels, but came up empty. Gordon found a flare among their supplies, and set it off, not feeling particularly hopeful that it would be seen. They wrapped themselves in a thermal blanket and leaned against one of the snowmobiles. Gordon held Alyx as tightly as he could, using the bare skin of his face to monitor her temperature. “I’m fine,” she said, as if reading his mind. The snow was coming down harder now, not quite a blizzard, but it soon would be. They were completely exposed, and the storm was rapidly becoming too intense for them to risk returning to the station.

Before they could drift off to sleep, the sound of snowmobiles broke the silence. The two scrambled to their feet and drew their weapons. Moments later, three crafts appeared before them. “Freeman? Vance?” a voice called. “Here!” Alyx shouted.

Four figures shrouded in parkas approached them, weapons at the ready. “Pack it in and let’s get going,” a man’s voice said. “There’s a storm coming. Did you think you’d last the night out here? Damn, it’s true what they say about you two.” Under his fur-lined hood, he shook his head. “Come on,” he said.

They quickly packed their gear and took their places on the snowmobiles. The noise of the engines precluded any conversation. They rode briskly over the ice field, a vast expanse of blue-tinged white.

Based on nothing Gordon could ascertain, the leading crafts stopped suddenly, and the drivers motioned for them to disembark. They walked, the snow now blinding, for several hundred yards. The snowfield was as deserted as it had been for the entire journey, but the man who’d greeted them led them toward a low mound. There was little more than a small hole in the ice. A petite, dark-skinned woman removed the hood from her head, revealing a helmet with a headlamp, which she switched on before sliding into the hole. The other three motioned for Alyx and Gordon to go ahead.

They slid down a slight incline before finding themselves in a narrow passageway, its craggy walls carved from the glacier that now surrounded them. Behind them, the remaining three switched on their headlamps, brilliantly illuminating the icy hallway. Twisting and turning, the six made their way ahead.

Just as Gordon felt claustrophobia was sure the get the best of him, the tunnel opened into a much larger cavern, its walls and ceiling rounded and smooth as glass. The petite woman who had led their party turned to them and smiled. “Welcome to Larsbreen Outpost,” she said. “Y’all are damned stupid. You really think you were just gonna camp out on top of a glacier? At this time of year?” She shook her head and continue her trek down the tunnel. Gordon and Alyx glanced at each other, and Gordon shrugged. Alyx laughed, and the sound echoed around them.

Soon the tunnel opened into a larger chamber, almost electric blue in color. There was a generator here, and a small but impressive array of equipment, including what looked like a Combine control panel. A grey-skinned Vortigaunt tended the generator, and two parka-clad scientists monitored the panel. “Company,” called the woman. The two turned and smiled in greeting. “We’re glad you’re here,” one said. “I’m Dr. Eric Williams, and this is Dr. Merel Van Hoose. And of course, you’ve met our esteemed leader, Eleanor Green.”

"Call me Ellie, please,” said Dr. Green with a short but pleasant smile. She immediately got to business. “We don’t know what’s going on downstairs. We lost contact when you did. But do know the Borealis is still here.”

Gordon cocked an eyebrow at her. “The shifts always result in measurable seismological activity,” she said. “We’ve seen no such activity in the past seven hours. This suggests the Borealis hasn’t relocated.”

They continued down the tunnel for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, they reached a three-way crossroads. Four more parka-clad figures guarded the branching tunnels. One tunnel had collapsed. A dull, reddish glow pulsated from behind it. “Freeman, Vance, welcome,” said one of the men. “We’ve been waiting for the Polar BEAR to tunnel back through, but it seems feedback or an EMP from the Borealis may have stalled it. We hoped you might have some other ideas. With a sly smile, Alyx looked at Gordon’s crowbar, still tucked in the holster of his HEV suit. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but she said, “You’ve got a better idea?”

Smiling, even laughing a little, he unholstered the crowbar and took a few shots at the ice. It chipped but showed no sign of giving way. He re-holstered the tool and observed the collapsed tunnel, then examined his arsenal.

He ushered the crowd away from the collapsed tunnel, and tried a blast from the pulse rifle. It made a dent, but little more. A grenade was too risky in such close quarters.

What was he missing? There had to be a way through. The light from the chamber behind was visible. The collapse couldn’t be that deep.

Then Alyx said, “We need a blow-torch.”

Gordon looked at her, smiled broadly, turned, and ran back up the tunnel. A moment later, he returned with the Vortigaunt in tow. “The Free Man is wise, in all things,” said the Vort, before blasting the ice free with a bolt from its hands. A small portion of the ceiling collapsed, but the tunnel remained intact and passable. Gordon and Alyx hurried through, followed by the gathered crew members.

Before them was the Borealis, looking as solid as anything. The red glow in the cavern came from emergency lights. The ship itself simply sat there, as ordinary as a thing could be. Alyx and Gordon stood and stared at it, in parts transfixed and utterly unimpressed. It was just a ship, albeit under 20 feet of ice.

And then there came a groaning sound, and the Borealis faded and vanished yet again.


	7. Out of Time

They stared at the empty space the ship had recently occupied. As they stood there, trying to understand what had just happened, and why, there was a low, pulsing sound, and a moment later, the Borealis was back. “Get the tracking device on it! Be quick, before it goes out of phase again!” shouted Green. Two men muscled their way through, carrying a piece of equipment about the size of a beach ball, but obviously quite heavy, as it took effort from both of them to hoist it. “Just toss it up there! Don’t try to board!” They followed the order, and then scurried back from the unassuming craft. It made no threat of leaving, this time.

“Has anything like that ever happened before?” Alyx said, voicing Gordon’s question for him.

Green shook her head. “No, in the short time we’ve been tracking it, it’s been completely predictable. Until the excavation. That device will track it in both time and space.”

Gordon cocked his head. 

“Time?” Alyx said, incredulous.

"I realize it seems unlikely. But as I mentioned, there’s a seismic signature when the ship appears and disappears. We’ve found corresponding signatures in various locations, but not enough to account for the two-day time frame. Granted, our resources aren’t what they could be. Still, we’ve learned to consider all possibilities.”

“Okay,” Alyx said. “So, let’s say it’s traveling in time. How will we receive the signal? You can’t be using radio. Is it some kind of quantum system?”

“Not exactly,” Green said. "I’ll have my crew explain it in greater detail when we return to the station, which I hope will happen early tomorrow. The storm should pass by then.”

Gordon felt perturbed. Something wasn’t right, and he was frustrated - and a little excited - that he didn’t know precisely what it was.

“Dr. Freeman,” Green said, “we’d love to have your input. Come with me and I’ll get you up to speed on our systems.”

==========

Green took Gordon and Alyx back to the intersection before heading in a direction they hadn’t gone before. She led them down another corridor until they reached an enormous cavern brimming with equipment. Several people were busily working at various stations; a few of them paused briefly to acknowledge his arrival. “We assembled this outpost in less than three weeks,” Green said, beaming. “The Borealis could be the key to humanity’s survival. But you probably know that.” Gordon nodded.

“Alright, Doc,” she said. "We’ve got two geophysicists monitoring seismic activity. What we need are good, working theories on what that ship is doing. I figure you’re our guy. So please, take whatever resources you need, and let me know what you learn.” She raised her hands, signaling that the room was his.

As Alyx pored over the equipment, Gordon found a relatively quiet spot and began developing his hypothesis. The Borealis was unanchored - he coughed a little at the unintentional pun - in time and space. Until recently it had made regular appearances in the Arctic ice. After the excavation, the pattern changed. This suggested the ship was somehow sensitive to its physical location. The questions now were how, and why, and what would happen next?

Or was the real question, what had happened before?

He was anxious to receive telemetry from the tracking device - such information would be invaluable. At the same time, the thought made him uncomfortable. Why, he was still unsure.

Ships don’t tend to appear and disappear without someone noticing, he reasoned - although there were plenty of strange stories of ghost ships and unexplained phenomena. Gordon put little stock in such tales, but in light of the Borealis, he realized he might have to revisit those stories with a bit less skepticism. Still, the lack of seismic data suggested the ship wasn’t just shifting from place to place. The Zen Borderworld was a tempting but unlikely explanation; the changeable nature of that place was too chaotic to maintain the predictable nature of the ship’s travels in the recent past. _How recent?_ he wondered. They’d only been actively tracking the ship for a few days - possibly longer; it was difficult to know how much of Judith Mossman’s information could be trusted.

He approached one of the geophysicists’ workstations, and gestured for the scientist to step aside. He took a moment to familiarize himself with the system, then began sorting through past data. If the information was accurate, the Borealis had maintained its recent pattern for at least the previous three weeks. In that time, there were minimal coinciding events anywhere on Earth. The ship seemed to make regular appearances in the desert near what had once been Saudi Arabia, and also near the Bermuda Triangle. All told, the data accounted for barely more than an hour every two days.

How far back did the data extend, he wondered? The immediate answer was three years. Was more available? He doubted keeping government databases online had been a high priority in the post-Combine world. but who could know what determined humans might have accomplished? Here they were, in a burrow under the ice, built by robots, tracking a ship that seemed capable of teleportation and even time travel. Perhaps anything was possible.

With a few taps at the keyboard he was able to pull up data from as far back as 1969. He began cross-checking his findings with the more recent data from the Borealis. And then, there it was: The same seismic signature, from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, in 1973. It appeared at roughly 47-hour intervals for over 20 years. Then, some time in 1996, the signatures ceased to appear.

And that was when the signatures in the Arctic began. For decades, the ship would take its place under the ice for roughly 24 minutes at a time, every two days. So where was it, those hours it wasn’t in Michigan, the desert, the ocean, or under the glacier? Did it cease to exist? Was it in some other place, some other time? Gordon pushed his fingers through his hair and adjusted his glasses. He felt like he was on the verge of the most amazing discovery of his life - which was saying something, considering he'd helped engineer the complete downfall of humanity.

“Dr. Freeman?” a man called, “You’re gonna want to see this.” A parka-clad scientist called him over to his station. Alyx quickly joined them. “We’ve got something from the tracking device. Only...” He held up his hands in a gesture of bafflement. There was a signal from the tracking device. It appeared to originate from what had once been Long Island, New York. It also appeared to be over 100 years old. The man looked at Gordon and shook his head. “I don’t get it,” he said. “Why are we only seeing this now?” Gordon cocked his head and raised his eyebrows. “Oh,” said the scientist. “No kidding. Because we just started looking.” Gordon smiled. Together, they returned their attention to the console. Tracking reports began to come in from dozens of locations and times - New South Wales, Rhode Island, Japan. It seemed the Borealis really got around. “Dr. Freeman,” the scientist said, “that ship is still sitting some 300 meters from us. How is it possible...oh.” Yes, the ship was there, for now - but at some point, it wouldn’t be. It would be all over the place. Or, all over time, as it appeared. “Time travel scrambles my brain,” the scientist confessed. Gordon couldn’t have agreed more.


	8. Betrayal

“Gordon,” Alyx said. “Take a break. The data will be there tomorrow.” For six hours straight, he been transfixed by the data coming in. “Gordon, I can graph this information just as well as you can. Better, probably, because you’re exhausted.” He put a hand on her arm and shook his head, unwilling to look away from the monitors. “Well, I suppose I could go search for Mossman, then. You know, just to say ‘Hi.'”

Gordon nodded, and Alyx sighed and smacked him gently on the back of his head. He looked at her in surprise, then seemed to register what she’d said, and gave her a look somewhere between terror and amusement. “I’m not kidding,” she said. “You need a break. I need you to take a break. I need a break from needing you to take a break.” Gordon rubbed his forehead and shook his head again. “Dammit, Gordon,” she said, and slumped down in the nearest chair. “Look, we all get it. The ship is traveling through time. And that is fascinating, and amazing, and it doesn’t change the fact that you are a human who needs to rest, because it’s only a matter of time before the Combine figure this out, too, and then we are going to be in for the fight of our lives. So for the sake of what’s left of humanity, will you please come get some sleep?”

He looked directly at her, green eyes pleading for her to understand. And she did, all too well. She’d seen the same look in Eli’s eyes a thousand times. _I’m close to a breakthrough, sweetheart. I promise, I will rest soon. But not just yet._

Defeated, she stood up. “Okay,” she said. “But if you’re cranky tomorrow, don’t take it out on me.” She gave him a small wink before turning and heading to the outpost’s sleeping quarters.

She made her way to a large chamber filled with cots, which were fitted with heavy sleeping bags. The temperature hovered near freezing. The crew had assured conditions were livable. She questioned this particular definition of the word.

She dined on an ancient MRE and found herself longing for the dining room at Bjørnøya. No point in reminiscing, she chided herself. Here was here, and now was now. She snuggled into her sleeping bag, and found it surprisingly cozy. Soon she was asleep.

==========

The morning bell rang. Alyx blinked a few times, then scanned the room looking for Gordon. He wasn’t among the handful of people sleeping there. "Dammit,” she muttered, and scrambled out of the sleeping bag. Grabbing her flashlight, she made her way back to the research center, and found him slumped over a station, snoring rather loudly. She could have smacked him upside the head with the flashlight. “Gordon!” she said as loudly as she dared. He woke with a start, and looked at her with wide, apologetic eyes. “This is not what I meant by a break,” she said.

Ellie Green appeared and gave the two of them a harsh look. “Did you damned fools work through the night?” she said. “Never mind, you can get coffee back at the station. The storm’s broken, so it’s safe to travel. You’ll be more comfortable there.” Alyx found herself nodding in agreement and relief. Ellie continued, “These three are going with you,” she said, gesturing toward one of the men who’d launched the tracking device, the scientist Gordon had displaced earlier, and Dr. Van Hoose. “Richards and Smith headed back early to reopen the base. We’ll keep a skeleton crew here to monitor the Borealis.”

Gordon looked at Alyx and cocked his head. She shook her head slowly. “You’re not getting on that ship,” she said. “Not until we know a hell of a lot more.” As if affirming her opinion, the ground rumbled slightly and there came a groaning noise from the Borealis’ chamber.

“It’s going out of phase!” someone shouted, and the six ran down the tunnel toward the vanishing ship. It was gone by the time they arrived. “Well,” Ellie said. “Here we go. You all get back to the station and get your coffee, then get busy putting together something we can use.”

==========

The five exited the outpost and made their way back to the snowmobiles. In the absence of blowing snow, the walk seemed much shorter. The crafts were nearly buried, and they spent several minutes digging them out, hopeful that the fuel lines were unfrozen. The autumn temperatures were still relatively mild, and the snowmobiles started with little effort. In a short time, they were back at the station, now much more alive and welcoming than when they’d first arrived. The smell of coffee greeted them as they entered the main building, and they were welcomed by the two who’d come earlier. Sarah Richards was a quiet, but imposing, brown-haired woman with a warm smile. Adam Smith was short, wiry and nervous. He reminded Alyx of a small rodent of some sort. The rest of the crew consisted of Van Hoose, a small, pretty woman with warm, hazel eyes and a shy demeanor; Jakub Kowalski, who had close-cropped hair, and the bearing of a soldier; and Tyrone Washington, a tall man with a deep and resonant voice. Together, they introduced Alyx and Gordon to the station’s facilities.

It wasn’t Bjørnøya, but it was pleasant enough. Much less remote than their previous posting, this station provided less in the way of creature comforts. It also felt less safe, near as it was to human-inhabited places. Alyx tried to put the thought out of her mind. They were still at the very edges of civilization, well beyond the notice of the Combine. Except for the presence of the Borealis, of course.

The team at the outpost consisted entirely of scientists and engineers - including Richards and Smith - who’d scrambled together on short notice when word of the Borealis first spread. The main station had been staffed by Drs. Green and Van Hoose, with the assistance of a small support crew and Kowalski as the de facto administrator. They got by on MREs and coffee, and shared in the chores. All of them dreamed of someday stationing at Bjørnøya. “I hear they have a sauna,” Van Hoose said dreamily.

“I hear they have beer,” added Kowalski. Gordon and Alyx looked at each other and smiled. Alyx’s smile waned a little as she remembered her behavior that night, but if Gordon was bothered, he didn’t show it.

Smith showed them to a work room that had been set aside for their use. There were two computer stations, and a radio where they could monitor incoming communications. Like Bjørnøya, the station maintained radio silence. Alyx kept finding herself wishing she could let her father know she was okay - then feeling suddenly grateful to be cut off from the outside world. It made it easier not to think about what had happened.

Gordon, coffee in hand, immediately returned to monitoring results from the Borealis’ tracking device. There were already hundreds of data points, and Alyx set about trying to find a pattern in the maelstrom. After a couple of hours, the pattern had begun to emerge. “Gordon,” Alyx said. “We need more data before this comes together. You’ve hardly slept. Let’s get some rest before lunch.” Hesitantly, he nodded, and let himself be led to one of the sleeping cabins.

No quarters had been assigned to them, so they found what appeared to be an unoccupied room. There were two small cots fitted with thin mattresses and a tidy assortment of blankets. “You want help with that suit?” Alyx said. Gordon pursed his lips and then shook his head. He flopped down on one of the cots, not even bothering with a blanket. “Fair enough,” Alyx said, took off her jacket and sweatshirt. She got as comfortable as she could on the cot. The wool blankets were only slightly itchy, and very warm. “Sleep tight,” she said, and waited for Gordon’s breathing to become regular before letting herself drift off.

==========

At the sound of the lunch bell they both startled awake, reaching for their weapons by instinct. Alyx looked at Gordon and laughed dryly. “Aren’t we a pair,” she said. She dressed quickly and they headed to the mess hall for a drab but nutritious lunch.

Washington was quite animated, describing the data that had come in while Gordon and Alyx rested. “We have over 200 years of data!” he said. “The Borealis has now shown itself in over 60 locations, across recent history. This is, clearly, unprecedented. We still don’t know what Aperture Science had in mind with this particular experiment, or if they even knew what they were doing, but clearly, they achieved something revolutionary.”

“Dr. Washington,” Alyx said, “Dr. Green said you would explain how the tracking device is able to communicate across time.”

“Ah,” said Washington. “That particular bit of technology comes to us courtesy of Adam Smith. I’ll let him give you the details.”

“Well, yes,” Smith said, and sniffed. “The device makes use of Xen crystals, and utilizes the Borderworld to send signals to modern, Earth satellites. It’s pretty ingenious, if I say so myself.”

Alyx looked at Gordon. He had gone pale, and was gripping the table. “It uses Xen crystals?" Alyx said, her voice rising in pitch.

“Very small ones,” Smith said, evidently oblivious to what he’d done. “They weren’t easy to get, let me tell you.”

Locking eyes with Gordon, Alyx said, “And how did you get them?”

Smith sighed, and Alyx thought she saw a smirk teasing at the corner of his lips. “For obvious reasons, my source would prefer to remain anonymous,” he said.

In the blink of an eye, Alyx leapt to her feet and had her weapon pointed at Smith’s temple. The others gasped, and scrambled back from the table. “Who gave you the crystals?” she practically growled.

Smith looked wide-eyed at Alyx. “I don’t know his name,” he said, looking from Alyx to Gordon, and back again. “He wears a weird suit, talks kind of funny. He’s somebody important, I know that.”

It was all Alyx could do not to put a bullet in the man’s head. Instead, she whacked his temple with the butt of her weapon, and he collapsed to the ground. Gordon leapt up and grasped Alyx’s hand, relieving her of her gun. She began to sob and fell into him. “He’s a traitor!” she wailed. “He sold us all out!” She glared at the others. “You all did!”

The other scientists looked baffled and a little terrified. Quickly, Gordon escorted Alyx back to their workroom. She was sobbing inconsolably, more than she’d cried since Eli was killed. “That man - with the weird voice - I know him,” she said. “I think he caused my father’s death.” She collapsed onto one of the cots and continued to cry, soundless, heaving sobs that left her barely able to breathe.

Gordon sat down beside her, making no effort to console her beyond taking her hand gently in his. When she finally pulled herself together, she found him staring dead ahead, his jaw set, his eyes unfocused. "Gordon?” she said, “what is it?” Something in his expression frightened her more than anything had lately, and that was quite a feat. “Gordon, what’s wrong?” she repeated, more urgently.

The sound of a drop ship approaching precluded any answer to her question.


	9. Killing Time

This game of cat and mouse was getting tiresome. The man in the suit was toying with him, with all of them. What was his endgame?

With that thought lingering in his mind, Gordon sprinted to the window. The drop ship had passed over the station and was making its way toward the glacier. He cursed under his breath, and then looked back to make sure Alyx was okay. She looked stunned, but determined, and in no time she had retrieved her weapon and assumed her combat stance. “Looks like they’re headed for the outpost,” she said, and he nodded in agreement.

They hurried outside and boarded the snowmobiles, Gordon feeling grateful that Alyx had forced him to rest. Traveling at top speed, they reached the outpost in well under ten minutes. Black-armored Combine soldiers dotted the landscape like flies. One by one, Alyx and Gordon picked them off. _That was too easy_ , Gordon thought. He hoped none of the soldiers had made their way inside the outpost.

When the field seemed clear, they moved in closer, retrieving weapons and ammunition along the way. It took some time to find the tunnel entrance, but when they did, they were relieved to find it clear of Combine soldiers. As they delved deeper, they found no one else inside.

The equipment was intact. They’d left behind Ellie and three others, plus their Vortigaunt assistant. None were to be found. Were they hiding? Together, Gordon and Alyx patrolled the base. There was no one. On instinct, Gordon checked the latest data from the Borealis. Barely half an hour prior, it had reappeared at the outpost. Less than a minute later, it had vanished once again.

The scientists were onboard. It was the likeliest explanation. How he wished he could communicate with them directly, if they were even alive.

“The Combine want the Borealis,” Alyx said. “If they don’t find it, maybe they’ll leave us alone.” Gordon shook his head slowly. “I know, dammit,” she said. “I know. Let’s get back to the station. We’re helpless here.”

They rode back across the glacier, making even better time than before. As they slid into the station, Alyx said, “We have to get that data out to all stations. Radio silence is useless now, thanks to Smith.” After the briefest of pauses, Gordon nodded. “I’ll get on it,” Alyx said. “You do what you can.”

Gordon returned to his workstation, hopeful they’d have a least a brief reprieve before the Combine returned. Instead, the sound of another drop ship demanded his attention. No, it was two. At least two. Moments later, the windows of his room shattered, pelted by blue bolts of energy. Ducking, Gordon selected his shotgun and backed away until he could make out his first target. Again, the ground was swarming with Combine soldiers. With lethal precision, he took out one after another. But not all of them. A bullet struck his left shoulder and knocked him into the back wall of the room. A grenade came through the broken window. Wincing, he scooped it up with his right arm and flung it back outside.

“Bouncer, bouncer!” came a metallic-sounding voice. The grenade exploded, sending three bodies flying into the air. The remaining soldiers charged toward his window. This time, they launched two grenades. Gordon backed out the door and into the hall. He heard a massive explosion in what had been his de facto office, and groaned at the realization that all his calculations were most likely gone. Hopefully Alyx had been able to share enough meaningful data for the other stations to make some headway.

Backing down the hall, he found the rest of the crew huddled under the table in the mess hall. Smith looked dazed and horrified. A greenish bruise had begun to show on the side of his head. “What is going on?” he pleaded. Gordon stared at him, unable to think what he might say even if he could. He shook his head and looked away. Internally, he shouted, “ _You used Xen crystals, you goddamned fool! You might as well have radioed the Combine, “Come check this out!_ ’”

Before he could even begin to voice his thoughts, the back half of the building exploded. Gunships. Gordon vaguely remembered seeing an ammo crate in the garage. He sprinted in that direction, wondering where Alyx was, and if she was safe.

The ammo crate contained RPGs - just what he needed. Ducking behind the tractor, he loaded his weapon. He went to the window, knocked out the glass with his elbow, took aim, and fired. Clumsily, his left arm still healing, he guided the missile toward the target. The gunship easily knocked it out of the sky. He fired again - this time, a hit. The gunship squawked in anger, but dove back in for another strafing run. Gordon struck it square in the center, and black smoke issued forth. Time to dash, duck, and reload. One more hit and it would be down. He fired, and missed by a mile. The ship dove out of site, then reappeared, ready to aim directly at him. Almost blindly, he fired, and scored a direct hit. With a satisfying explosion, the ship broke apart and crashed to the ground, leaving a plume of black smoke in its wake.

Alyx appeared in the doorway. “Gordon!” she shouted. “Thank god you’re okay. I’ve transmitted the data we had so far.” She went to his side and put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?” she said.

He covered her hand with his and nodded. “Okay,” she said. “I believe you. She looked around the garage, noting the broken window and the smattering of debris. After a moment, she seemed satisfied that he was, in fact, undamaged, at least physically. “We should probably abandon the base,” she said.

The same thought had occurred to Gordon. He nodded in agreement, but where would they go?

“City 36 is close,” Alyx said. “Kowalski says there’s almost no Combine activity. We can lay low and keep working. They’ve got a small lab somewhere in the city.”

Gordon looked at the parked snowmobiles, then back at Alyx. “It’s only 2 kilometers,” she said. “We can walk. We’ll draw less attention that way,” she said. “At least, I hope we will. We should wait until sundown. Even in this light, we’d be easy targets out there.”

They stood in the silence, both anxiously awaiting the sound of another incoming ship, but the sky remained empty. “Let’s get back inside,” Alyx said.

==========

It was still two hours until sundown, hours that threatened to stretch on forever. They packed their supplies in silence, and no further Combine ships appeared. Perhaps they were already busy tracking the Borealis - or, just as likely, gathering their resources for a full-scale assault. Gordon realized they might not have expected to meet resistance to their initial attack.

Alyx set up the radio to automatically broadcast telemetry from the tracking device. The Combine were no doubt already tracking it on their own. Gordon wondered how the various stations would manage to share conclusions without sharing that information with the enemy. The Resistance had clumsy cryptography at best, relying on shared idioms and subtle hints. That would hardly work for complicated scientific data.

Several of the station’s generators had been destroyed by the gunship, and they were running emergency systems only. Rather than shiver inside in the dark, Alyx and Gordon sat outside in the deepening twilight, staying close together for warmth, stoically avoiding the chemistry between them. “Gordon," Alyx said, “The man with the weird voice...you’ve met him?” Gordon sighed, and nodded. “Do you know who he is?” Gordon shook his head. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, then thought the better of it.

“Are you afraid of him?” Alyx said, her voice barely a whisper. After a long pause, Gordon nodded again. “So am I,” she said.

The sun dipped down, and the alien green glow of the Northern Lights began to lick the sky. “Do you think he could have had my father killed?” Alyx said. Gordon didn’t know. He had no doubt the suited man was capable of horrible things, but the nature of Eli’s death didn’t strike Gordon as being in character.

“Gordon,” Alyx said. “Did he ask you...I mean, did you -”

The arrival of the station crew cut her off. Kowalski, Van Hoose, and Richards joined them, along with Smith, who lingered at the edge of the group. Kowalski said, “Washington and the rest of the crew will stay here in case the outpost team returns. These folks are coming with us.”

Alyx looked at Smith. “Including him?” she said.

“He knows the tracking device,” Kowalski said.

With a sigh, Alyx nodded. Gordon watched her expression, but she was unreadable. Gathering their parkas around them, they set off on their trek.


	10. City 36

They followed the path of the old riverbed, the rocky soil frozen solid beneath their feet. Kowalski debriefed them on what to expect in City 36. “It’s quiet there, like I said. But it’s...well, there’s a reason I risked leaving for the outpost. The citizens are not exactly humanity’s finest. And to be honest, neither was I, when I got there. But some people decide to climb out, and others choose to wallow.”

“What’s ‘quiet’?” Alyx said. “You said there’s no Combine activity. That sounds impossible.” To Gordon, it sounded like heaven, which indicated to him just how low his expectations had slipped.

“Civil Protection maintains a presence,” Kowalski said. “It’s minimal. A few dozen Metrocops to keep the locals docile. It’s not a tough job. Perfect for your everyday bully. The Combine gates came down years ago; back then wandering out of town meant you were likely to get mauled by a polar bear. Then later, there were zombie bears. Good times. Anyway, people occasionally come and go. Mostly they just stay put, doing whatever it is they do to make life tolerable.

“The infrastructure’s a disaster. There’s hardly any electricity, except what Civil Protection deems necessary. No running water. Hardly any aliens, either, so it’s got that going for it.”

The frozen ground crunched in time with their footsteps as they walked in silence for a while. “Here we are,” Kowalski said.

They passed through the long-abandoned Combine gates. Low-slung buildings, once colorful but now faded from time and neglect, dotted the landscape leading down to the sea. Aside from the ubiquitous, blue-black metal wall surrounding the city - where it wasn’t bordered by flat-topped, sheer-faced hills - it bore no resemblance to City 17.

The familiar voice of Overwatch echoed through the city as they passed through the gate. “Attention residents, miscount detected in your city. Cooperation with your Civil Protection team permits full ration reward."

“Ignore her,” Kowalski said. “That message sounds a dozen times every day. A stray dog could set it off, if there were any dogs left. And they never come through on the reward.”

==========

“Over here!” someone called from a nearby doorway. The group hurried in the direction of the voice. A young man greeted them. “Jakub Kowalski!” he said. “It’s good to see you, man.” The two shook hands, and the young man turned to Gordon and Alyx. “I’m Ronald King,” he said. “And I figure you’re Gordon Freeman and Alyx Vance, right?” The two nodded and the Ronald beamed at them. “We’ve been receiving your data. Fascinating. If the Combine got ahold of this - “

“Too late,” Alyx said. Ronald’s face fell. “Okay, then we have to work fast,” he said. “Come with me.” He led them through the town, until they reached a small warehouse. Ronald punched some numbers on a keypad and let them in. Inside was a space not unlike Dr. Kleiner’s lab in City 17, though much smaller and more sparsely furnished.

Kowalski introduced Ronald - who insisted they call him Ron - to Van Hoose, Richards and Smith. After the niceties, Ron said, “Come on over here,” motioning toward a console. “More data’s come in. Looks like your ship is phoning home.”

Alyx and Gordon gathered at the console, surrounded by the rest of their group. Data points blinked across the screen - Greenland, Bermuda, Beijing, Sydney - the appearances seemed erratic.

“Adam,” said Dr. Van Hoose, "How precisely can we track _when_ these signals are coming from?”

Smith shook his head, wincing a little as he did so. The bruise next to his eye was now an ugly, deep purple, and impressively swollen. “Relatively speaking, fairly close,” he said. “We can estimate within a few days, maybe weeks. The fact that we’re able to track the geographic origin is impressive in itself, given the transient nature of the Xen border world,” he said.

 _Awfully proud of yourself, for someone who managed to single-handedly sabotage this whole experiment_ , Gordon thought. He resisted the urge to give Smith a matching bruise on the other side of his face.

“Look here,” Dr. Richards said. “It’s just made an appearance in Michigan, Upper Peninsula. Aperture Science?” she said. Gordon and the other scientists nodded. “So, was that a return visit, then? Or...damn this time travel thing, anyway. Nothing makes sense.”

“Maybe it does make sense,” Alyx said. Gordon looked at her bemusedly, waiting for her explanation. “Look," Alyx said, “I can make things work. I can’t always tell you how.” She looked at Gordon, who smiled softly. She continued, “The Borealis appears to exist outside of time. As soon as you put that tracking device on board, it had always been there. So, yeah, we’re going to track it back to Aperture Science. That doesn’t mean it’s returned there. I think.”

“That,” said Smith, “is the most absurd explanation of time travel that I have ever heard.” Alyx put her hand on her weapon and glared at him. Gordon shot her a warning look. If she saw it, she gave no indication.

“Let’s hear yours, then,” she said.

Smith laughed. “I’m not a physicist,” he said, “but I know bullshit when I hear it.”

“Adam,” said Richards, “maybe this isn’t the time for this.” Smith glared at her, then stormed to the door, punched in the code, and bolted from the warehouse. No one tried to stop him. Richards turned to the group. “I'm sorry,” she said. “He’s incredibly intelligent, but he’s also bloody stupid. Adam is a brilliant engineer, but he has no concept of ethics. Or much of anything, for that matter.” She looked at the floor.

“You seem to know him pretty well,” Alyx said, releasing her grip on her weapon. Richards sighed. “He’s my son-in-law,” she said. “I taught him everything I could. Hoped I could reign in that brilliant mind. He was going to be an inventor, going to take the world by storm. Well, I guess he’s lived up to that,” she said, with a wry laugh. “When my daughter was killed by the Combine, he swore revenge. He’s been single-minded in that regard ever since. But he’s never learned to consider the consequences of his actions.” She looked at Alyx. “Frankly, you did exactly what I should have done years ago.”

“He’s going to get us all killed,” Alyx said.

Richards nodded. “I know,” she said.

==========

Ron took the group upstairs to an area that had been converted to make-shift apartments. There was a handful of sleeping areas of various sorts, from cots to piles of blankets stacked on the floor. There was a seating area, whose furnishings spewed stuffing, and a kitchen outfitted with a hot plate, a small, ancient refrigerator, and a stained washbasin that most likely had come from a basement somewhere. “It’s not perfect, but it’s home,” he said with a smile.

“Ron,” Alyx said, “where is everyone else? Are you here on your own?”

“Oh, not really,” Ron said. “April and Phoenix stay here most nights, but I haven’t seen them in a day or two. I think they might have gotten their own place. Toby, Inger, and John went hunting headcrabs. They’ll be back later, I’m sure. Nigel, Frederick, and Leticia stay down the road, but they sometimes come for dinner. And then there’s Rupert, but he doesn’t come around much anymore.” Ron seemed to be taking a mental inventory, as if trying to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anyone. “Yeah,” he said, "that’s about it. Something about the long nights makes people want to keep to themselves, I guess. That and nobody speaking the same language.”

Alyx said, “Exactly how many people live in City 36?”

Ron said, “Including me? About 67, at last count.”

“And you run this base on your own?” Alyx said.

“Oh, no, like I said, there’s a few of us. We do okay.”

“Ron,” Alyx said gently, “who set up this equipment? Who’s responsible for...for doing science?”

“Oh!” Ron said with a laugh. “Stupid me. That’s Dr. Mossman, but we haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks.”

Alyx and Gordon locked eyes. He couldn’t quite read her thoughts, and he was almost glad for that.

“So Mossman was here,” Alyx said.

“Oh, yeah,” said Ron. “She’s been super helpful. She set up this entire lab. She told us to expect you and to help you however we can. So, that’s what I want to do.”

“Thank you, Ron,” Alyx said. She took Gordon by the elbow and guided him toward one of the space’s many alcoves. “What do you think is going on?”

Gordon wasn’t sure what he thought. Mossman had saved his life, back at the Citadel - on the other hand, it was largely her fault his life had needed saving in the first place. He believed she was as sincere as someone as ambitious as Mossman could be. He wasn’t reassured by the thought. He shrugged, shook his head, and sighed. He looked at the floor, then back at Alyx.

"It could be a trap,” Alyx said. “She could be setting us up.” Gordon's expression was noncommittal. “Or maybe she is on our side. Although I find that hard to believe. But it _was_ my idea to come to City 36." Gordon put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently, letting a thin stream of air out between his teeth. “So what do we do? Wait around here to find out? Or get the hell out of here while we still can?”

The voice of Overwatch came muffled but recognizable from outside. "Attention ground units. Anticitizens reported in this community. Code: lock, cauterize, stabilize."

 _Really?_ Gordon thought. They’d been in City 36 less than an hour. The appearance of that emotionless voice, the voice that had so relentlessly catalogued his descent into inhumanity, caused Gordon’s hands to tremble. He hoped nobody noticed, especially not Alyx.

"Attention occupants, Anticitizen One reported in this community. Vance subprime identified as Anticitizen Two, reported in this community. Citizen reminder: inaction is conspiracy, report malignant activity to a civil protection team immediately. Code: Inform, co-operate, assemble.”

So much for laying low.


	11. Overwatch

As the voice of Overwatch faded, Alyx looked at Ron, then back at Gordon. “Do you think they’ll turn us in?” she said softly. Gordon glanced over at Ron, who seemed equally transfixed by the broadcast.

Ron looked at the two of them. “We’re on the same side,” he said. “We all feel that way. You’re safe here,” he said. “I swear it.”

“Until the Combine arrive,” Dr. Richards grumbled.

“We’ll fight them,” Ron said. “Like we always have.” He seemed so sure of himself, Alyx wanted to believe him. Somehow, the 67 citizens of City 36 had survived so far. And the city did seem quiet, absent the Overwatch messages that Kowalski had assured them were par for the course. "Look, you guys,” Ron continued, “we deal with this all the time. How do you think we heard of you in the first place? Every week it’s 'Freeman and Vance’ this, and 'Anticitizen’ that. Even if they do know you’re here, what would they do about it? You’re already at the end of the road. City 36 is hell on earth. The only place worse is offworld.”

Alyx relaxed, just a little. To Gordon, she said, “It seems unlikely - first we learn Mossman was here, next Overwatch is on to us? I don’t like this one bit.” Gordon took her hand and squeezed gently. “Oh god,” Alyx said. “It’s him, isn’t it? That strange man - he has something to do with all of this. Shit, Gordon - where’s Adam?” They both looked at Dr. Richards.

“Adam needs time to be alone when he’s upset. I’m sure he’ll be back,” she said. Alyx was unconvinced. “Someone should go after him,” she said, looking pointedly at Richards.

Richards sighed. “Fine,” she said, “I’ll try to hunt him down.” She pulled on her parka and headed down the stairs. “I’ll go with her,” Kowalski said, and followed behind her.

Ron looked at the remaining group. “Well, I guess it’s just us for dinner,” he said. “I’ve got boxed mac and cheese. Sound good?”

The crew looked at one another and nodded vigorously. It sounded so, so good.

==========

Ron gathered a large bowl of snow to melt for cooking water. It didn’t look particularly fresh, but Alyx figured boiling would make it sterile, if not palatable. “No milk or butter,” Ron said apologetically, “but it still beats MREs. If Toby, John, and Inger make it back, maybe we’ll have headcrab.” Gordon and Alyx cringed visibly, and Ron said, “No, really, it tastes like chicken. Rubbery chicken, but still.”

Too orange and a little grainy, the macaroni and cheese was tasty compared to the MREs of the past two days. Once again, Alyx longed for the creature comforts of Bjørnøya. She glanced at Gordon and gave him a little smile, which he quickly returned. The five of them ate in silence, except for the occasional murmur of satisfaction from the visiting crew. Ron seemed pleased.

By way of conversation, Alyx said, “We were told Zen fauna couldn’t survive here. But your friends are hunting headcrab?”

“Oh, there’s headcrab. They’re docile as laying hens, though. And that’s about all we have, far as aliens go. Turns out the cold's good for something,” Ron said. The crowd murmured in agreement. It was nice not to be fighting ant lions or zombies at every turn.

From outside came the sound of generators powering on, and the strange pulsing sound of powerful lights igniting. The city square was lit up, and throughout the town, monitors flickered to life, and the visage of Wallace Breen appeared.

“Citizens of City 36,” Breen’s voice boomed, “it is my unpleasant duty to inform you that there is a terrorist in your midst. Anticitizen One, known to some of you as Gordon Freeman, has been located among your populace. It does not please me to inform you that continuing to harbor this known criminal will result in the severest of circumstances. Conversely, the apprehension of the so-called 'One Free Man’ will bring great rewards to your city. Combine forces will soon arrive to assist in the apprehension of this vile threat to continued human existence. I have assured our benefactors that they can count on the cooperation of the citizens of City 36.”

“What the hell?” Alyx said. “I thought he was dead. What is this, a recording? Gordon, he’s dead, isn’t he?”

Gordon nodded, staring out the window at the nearest monitor as the message immediately began to repeat. Alyx joined him, watching closely. In the next iteration of the message, she saw clearly that it was not actually Breen, but a reproduction of his image. The audio was cobbled together from Breen’s previous speeches. Still, some intelligence had seen fit to create the message, and was deliberately broadcasting it now.

As usual, the message played on repeat. Alyx wanted to cover her ears and block it all out. It wouldn’t do any good, she realized. She grown up with these broadcasts echoing in her head. The words remained even if the sound was gone.

Not long after, there came shouting from downstairs - the sounds of a returning hunting party. The threesome of Toby, John, and Inger were returning empty-handed, to Alyx and Gordon’s relief. Nonetheless, they were jubilant. “Inger took out three fuckin’ Metrocops!” the first one shouted, pumping his fist in the air. “Fuckers are crawling all over town. Not getting past us, hey?” He noticed the guests for the first time. “Jesus Christ, it’s Gordon Fucking Freeman, ain’t it?” he said. Gordon looked toward the ground. “Inger, Johnny-boy, it’s Gordon Fucking Freeman, right here in our flat!”

Inger and John scrambled up the stairs after the one who could only be Toby. Toby himself was a shaggy-haired blonde, with piercing blue eyes. John was pale and freckled and seemed perpetually terrified, his eyes sunken. Inger was tall and impossibly thin and looked as if she should be smoking a cigarette. “Gordon Freeman,” she said. “Wow. I thought you were a legend.” She sidled up to him and looked him over. “Nice suit,” she said.

Alyx approached Inger and said, “How many Metrocops were there?”

Inger shrugged. “A dozen?” she said. “We got three.”

Alyx said, “So you left nine pissed off Metrocops, and led them back here?”

“Who’s the killjoy?” Inger said, slurring her words a bit. Alyx wondered if she might be drunk - or maybe it was just her accent. She glanced at Gordon, and together they readied their weapons, and made their way down the stairs.

“I’m beginning to think we were better off taking our chances against the gunships,” Alyx said. Gordon gave her an affirming look, his eyes almost comically wide.

The crackle of radios confirmed the presence of Civil Protection. Ducking into doorways, Gordon and Alyx were able to eliminate the first three with ease, and relieved them of their ammunition. Six were left, who quickly scrambled to more defensible positions. The intense brightness of the electric lights played tricks with the shadows, and more than once, Alyx found herself shooting at nothing. “Dammit,” she said under her breath, then, “Gordon, cover me. I’m going after the last of them.” He raised his brow and shook his head, but she simply smiled at him before scrambling up an embankment. A moment later, she was able to dispatch three more from above. “Three left, somewhere,” she said in a loud whisper. The buzz of a radio from behind a dumpster gave the last three away. Gordon tossed a grenade he’d taken from one of the bodies, and ended the rest of them.

"Well, that was fun,” Alyx said as they regrouped. Gordon nodded and pushed his glasses up on his nose. She smiled at the gesture, and ran a hand through her hair. “So, now what? We go back up there? I have to admit, I don’t really like these people,” she said. “And I definitely don’t trust them.” Gordon smiled and nodded in agreement, then shrugged again.

“I know,” Alyx said, “we have to sleep. And I guess this is as good a place as any. But tomorrow we’ve got to try to find Mossman. We need to know what she knows.”

==========

They tried to make their way past the group that had gathered in the dining area, but Ron insisted they share the story of their recent adventure. “We took care of the rest,” Alyx said simply. “And now we’re going to sleep.” They left the kitchen and chose the most remote sleeping area they could find. It was just a pile of blankets on top of a thin mattress, but it was better than nothing. They tucked in together and snuggled for warmth, though both were still fully dressed. Gordon’s hand drifted lazily across Alyx’s shoulder, and she nestled her head against his chest. Outside, the city was still lit up, and the Breencasts continued. Otherwise, no one and nothing bothered them.


	12. Containment

Morning came early as Richards and Kowalski returned. “We’ve got drop ships,” Kowalski shouted, waking the groggy crew. “Didn’t see any soldiers disembark, but they’re in the area.”

Alyx rubbed her eyes and yawned. “Did you find Adam?” she asked Richards, noting his absence.

“No sign of him. He’s probably holed up somewhere licking his wounds,” Richards said.

“Or turning us in,” Alyx said.

Richards shook her head. “No way. Adam can be an idiot, but he hates the Combine as much as anybody.”

Alyx wasn’t convinced, but she knew it did her no good to worry. The Combine were on to them already, with or without Adam’s help.

“All right, people, enough chit-chat. We’ve got to get into position,” Kowalski said. Grudgingly, Inger, John, and Toby stood up and stretched momentarily, before retrieving weapons from what looked like a janitor’s closet, tucked behind the kitchen. They had an impressive arsenal, Alyx noted, and she and Gordon reloaded their weapons, gathering what additional ammo they could manage to carry.

“Ronald and John,” Kowalski said, “you stay here with the equipment. Toby, you’re with me and Richards. We’ll cover you from the hospital across the street. I want Van Hoose to take Inger and keep looking for Adam.” Van Hoose gave him a look, but didn’t protest. “Alyx and Gordon, well, you two do what it is you do. I suggest you start at the airport; you’ll find weapons and ammo crates there. It’s also the most likely location for a drop. If you can take out those ships before they get a chance to drop their payload...well, I don’t have to tell you.” Alyx nodded; Gordon simply looked at Kowalski, his expression shifting from distant and fearful to focused and determined. Kowalski continued, “You’ll cross the riverbed and continue past the harbor. It’s a fair distance without much cover, so be careful out there.” Gordon nodded.

==========

“Nothing seems right about this place,” Alyx said as they made their way to the bridge that would take them across the riverbed. Gordon nodded. “I’m sorry I brought us here,” she added, and Gordon scowled and shook his head. They crossed the bridge over an empty chasm, and soon made note of the harbor off to their right. According to Kowalski, it was roughly five more miles to the airport. They maintained a steady jog and made the distance in just over 30 minutes. They sky overhead was silent and empty, and they began scouring the space for weapons and ammunition.

They found a small stash of rocket launchers and RPGs. “Something tells me we’ll be needing these,” Alyx said. Gordon nodded, perusing the stash with a little more relish than she was comfortable with. On the other hand, given his talent with this particular weapon, she couldn’t blame him. If drop ships - or, god forbid, gunships - arrived, she was sure he’d be able to dispatch them.

They found a sheltered spot with a good view of the sky above. Not much was left of the airport itself - just a few damaged buildings and a pitted runway. The nearly roofless building they were sheltered in reminded her far too much of a place they’d recently encountered hunters, and she found herself shivering uncontrollably. Gordon settled in beside her and put a reassuring arm over her shoulder, holding her just tightly enough to ease her terror. “I know they said there’s nothing here,” she said. “But the drop ships...”

She chided herself for her fear, but the memory of what had happened came rushing back. _I was dead. I died. And the Vortigaunts - they wove us together, somehow. And then_ he _was there. He wanted to stop it. Why?_ Why try to let her die, only to come back and use her? She felt nauseous, and stepped outside until it passed. She could see Gordon inside, keeping an eye on her, still ready to take down anything that might appear in the sky above them.

She returned to his side. “Sorry,” she said. He took her hand and eased her down to sit next to him. He rubbed her back for a moment, then slipped his hand under her clothing and gently traced the path of her scars from the Hunter attack. He gazed at her tenderly. “I’m not over it,” she confessed, and he smiled with understanding. “Gordon,” she said, “you saved my life. I’m not sure how, but you did. I don’t remember if I ever thanked you.” He stroked her face and smiled again. “But,” she said, “that man was there, wasn’t he? I don’t remember much.” Gordon nodded. “Did he want to let me die? I’m confused. He - he gave me a message for my dad, right before he died. If he wanted me dead - Jesus, Gordon, did he kill Dad because I lived?” Her eyes widened in horror, and Gordon grasped her hands, shaking his head. He caressed her cheek as tears welled in his eyes. “He did, though, didn’t he. Oh god, Dad’s dead because of me.” She hung her head. “And he’s why the Combine are here, too. Who is he?” She stared at the sky for a while, as Gordon held her gently.

“To hell with him,” she said after a time. “I don’t care if he thinks he can control us. He’s wrong. Tomorrow we’ll find Mossman and find out what exactly is going on.” She stood and walked back to the crumbled doorway, and looked up at the gradually lightening sky. The green bands of the Aurora Borealis shimmered overhead. “The world is still beautiful," she said. “Nobody can take that away from us. Not the Combine, not that man, not even stupid humans.” Gordon rose and joined her, and together they gazed out at the galaxy beyond.

A gunship appeared on the horizon, making its way toward them. She looked at Gordon and smiled sadly. “Here we go again,” she said.

==========

He really was a superhero, she thought, in his way. She knew him well enough now to know he was utterly terrified, yet he launched the RPGs toward the incoming gunships as if he’d been doing exactly this, and nothing else, for his entire life. Not every grenade hit its mark, but he was able to disable each ship well before it came close enough to do them any harm. Alyx did her best to inform him of the general direction of the incoming ships, but he hardly seemed to need her help. It was as if he went into a trance state, one that went deeper the greater the threat.

A drop ship managed to eject six soldiers before Gordon took it out. Driven by rage and adrenaline, Alyx charged toward the drop zone and made short work of the soldiers, killing two before they had a chance to strike the ground. Meanwhile, another gunship appeared, just as the first exploded and crashed into the ocean, scattering debris across the shore. Tracking it skillfully with his launcher, Gordon was able to take it down with just three shots. As he reloaded, Alyx saw two more drop ships on the horizon. “Gordon!” she shouted, but he had already trained his weapon on the first ship. With an almost animalistic sounding alarm, the ship began to pepper them with mines, and they were forced to retreat to the safety of a huddle of ruined buildings. Firing through a broken window, Gordon dispatched the mine ship. By Alyx’s count, he had one grenade left, and there was still another drop ship to contend with.

Ducking through a debris-filled doorway, Alyx scanned the neighboring room for additional ammunition, the mines making it impossible to return to the ammo crate. There was a supply crate here, already shattered open. Inside, she found a box of shotgun shells and one more grenade. She hurried back to where Gordon was tracking the final drop ship. “Just doubled your chances,” she said, handing over the grenade like a treasure. Gordon smiled and took the offering, loaded, and fired.

He didn’t need the extra grenade. The first found its mark, and the ship exploded in a glorious blaze. Alyx laughed in victory, adrenaline making her feel a little more joyous than she thought was healthy, under the circumstances.

With the ships dispatched, the sky became silent and free of threats - for how long, they couldn’t know. They collapsed together against a wall, exhausted. “Gordon,” she said, "that was amazing.” He smiled, but only half-heartedly. Alyx guessed there would be more ships incoming, and soon.

They made their way back to the town center, and to the warehouse where Ronald and his motley crew held their base. Ron whistled through his teeth. “That was something,” he said. “We heard the explosions. You really are as amazing as they say.”

Richards and Smith were still absent. “Richard wanted to continue to search for Adam,” Van Hoose said. “Data’s still incoming. Nothing new, per se, but we should be able to establish some patterns.”

“More Combine will be on the way,” Alyx said. “Gordon and I should get out of here. We’re putting you all at risk.”

“Nonsense,” Van Hoose said. “They’re stretched to their limits, thanks to what you did at White Forest. If I’m right, this was a show of force that was supposed to do just what it’s done - scare the hell out of us. I’m willing to bet we’ve heard the last of them for a while.”

Gordon and Alyx glanced at each other. “We can’t afford to take the risk,” Alyx said.

“And I’d venture you can’t afford not to,” Van Hoose said. “Where would you go? It doesn’t get much more remote than City 36, and they managed to track you here. Still, even the Combine are subject to the pressures of distance and weather. Stay put. You’re safe here for the time being.”

“We need to find Judith Mossman,” Alyx said. “Do you think she’ll be back here? Can you find her?”

Ron said, “She said she’d return when you two arrived. Said we should lay low until she got here. I guess it’s too late for that.”

Alyx scowled. She did not care for being subject to Judith’s whims. She looked at Gordon. “What do you think?” she said. “Stay put?” After a moment, Gordon nodded. “Okay, then. I hope we don’t regret this,” she said. Gordon nodded in apparent agreement, or apology - she wasn't quite sure which.

“Okay. The Combine know we’re here,” Alyx said. “Does Judith?”

“We can let her know,” Ron said. “I’m getting pretty good at coded messages. May I?” he asked no one in particular. When no one protested, Ron took a seat at the transmitter. He thought for a moment, then said into the mic, “Mary Jane, rolling stones have gathered at city six-squared.” He looked rather proud. “Think that did the trick?” he said.

Van Hoose laughed a little and smiled. “I guess we’ll find out,” she said.


	13. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

His message sent, Ron seemed content to busy himself with lunch preparations, while the rest of his compatriots settled in to rest. Kowalski wanted to be debriefed. Alyx shared an embarrassingly flattering report of Gordon’s work at the airport, barely mentioning her own bravery. “Good work, you two,” Kowalski said. You’ve gone above and beyond once again.”

At their lack of response, he added, “Take a break. Get some rest. That’s an order. We’ll let you know when lunch is served. You’ll be happy to know we managed to bring back some headcrab.”

They looked at each other and shrugged. Protein was protein, Gordon figured.

Upstairs, they flopped onto their mattress. The clanking of dishes and a not unpleasant fragrance drifted from the kitchen. Gordon stared at the ceiling, feeling physically exhausted but not particularly wanting to sleep. He was still on high alert, and in no mood to be taken by surprise. He glanced over at Alyx, who was similarly awake. He nudged her with his elbow, and smiled when she looked at him with a slightly annoyed expression.

“I couldn’t sleep if I wanted to,” she said. Gordon nodded and sat up, rubbing his eyes with gloved hands. “I need to be doing something,” Alyx added.

Gordon understood completely. The adrenaline surge of their battle was not fading quickly, and there was so much to be done. Plus, the impending arrival of Judith Mossman had him on edge. He had plenty of reasons to believe she was on their side, and just as many reasons to believe she wasn’t. And then there was the disappearance of Adam and Richards. He had half a mind to go out searching for them himself. Their absence unsettled him, the way a set of misplaced keys was unsettling. It might not be an emergency, but it could quickly become one.

“Freeman! Vance!” It was Kowalski, coming up the stairs. “Sorry to interrupt your rest, but you’re going to want to see this.” Together, they hurried downstairs and found Van Hoose staring worriedly at the console. “It’s the Borealis,” she said. “It’s returned to the polar outpost. We received a communication that seemed to be coming from the scientists on board, or possibly from the outpost itself, but it was fuzzy, and it didn’t last long. Hold on, I’m going to see if I can pull up a recording, maybe enhance it a bit.”

A moment later, half-obscured by white noise, the face of Ellie Green appeared on the monitor. “I repeat, this is Larsbreen Outpost, Borealis science team,” she said. “We are attempting to disembark, but have been unsuccessful. We calculate we have less than -”

The transmission ended. “They’re trapped on the ship?” Alyx said, a trace of horror in her voice. “Oh, god.”

“So it would seem,” said Van Hoose. “There’s more. It would appear the Borealis has made two prior visits since the scientists boarded, roughly seven hours apart and lasting just under a minute. We seem to have our new pattern.”

“So why can’t they escape? What’s trapping them?”

“I don’t know for certain,” Van Hoose said, “but my bet is there’s a time dilation effect at work. Time is moving more slowly aboard the Borealis, so they simply aren’t able to make it off before the ship dematerializes again. The short duration of their transmission would tend to back this up.”

“We have to help them,” Alyx said.

==========

It would be days, Gordon realized, before they could adequately track the ship’s new trajectory. While tracking the Borealis through time was fascinating, it was hardly practical. Any given point in the past could have happened at point relative to the current moment. And then it occurred to him - _We don’t know about the future. We’ve seen nothing from after today._

They needed Mossman’s insight. Whatever information she had might help knit together the loose ends and make sense of what was going on. While he didn’t like having to depend on her, he wasn’t as suspicious as Alyx was. Eli Vance had trusted Judith, and Gordon felt inclined to share that trust. The thought made him feel vaguely disloyal to Alyx, but he couldn’t ignore her jealousy of Dr. Mossman. That had to play a role in her suspicions.

She’d fallen in love with _him_. How good a judge of character could she really be?

He tried to shake the thought away, but it threatened to overwhelm him. Before he’d become The One Free Man, superhero killing machine, he'd been a pretty decent guy, he reasoned. He loved his family, was a hard worker (if not always prompt) and basically did what was expected of him. He went out for a few beers with his co-workers, from time to time, and they seemed to enjoy his company, as he enjoyed theirs. Once in a great while he even asked a woman out, and they would have a few decent dates, and maybe a little more, before work once again overwhelmed him, and whatever relationship he might have begun to forge fell victim to his relentless schedule.

He might not be Black Mesa’s most eligible bachelor, but he figured he was a reasonably good catch.

Buoyed by this pleasant turn of thought, he returned his attention to the incoming data. Already a new point had appeared - in the past few moments, the ship had appeared in the bowels of a decommissioned nuclear base in the Rocky Mountains. Was it possible they just needed to wait a few days before the puzzle put itself together?

Not likely, he realized. And they simply didn’t have time.

It was time to start plotting the data in a more visually meaningful way. He needed a map. He needed a map with multiple dimensions, displaying the different potential timelines and permutations based on physical changes to the ship’s environment.

He’d have to settle for something in two dimensions.

On a wall of the lab, he found a political map of the globe, painfully outdated - but then, what map wasn’t, anymore? A handful of white pins dotted the map - evidently marking the various official cities maintained by Breen and the Combine. A larger pin marked the approximate location of the Citadel. He peeled off his gloves and, with no small amount of satisfaction, plucked the large pin from its place, then deposited it in a basket of similar pins on a shelf beneath the map. He contemplated removing the remaining pins, but realized they might be useful. Then, he began adding new ones - black for contemporary, repeating locations; blue for locations from the past; red for those that had appeared but no longer repeated. Soon the map was covered with colorful pins, but still no pattern was clear.

And then it came to him. At first it was the vaguest of ideas, perched not in his mind, but somewhere near the solar plexus - a growing realization that rapidly became a near certainty. The pattern wasn’t in the places, per se, but in _events_. Where there was something of historic significance, the Borealis appeared, repeatedly, until a change in circumstances set its path askew again. Nikola Tesla’s experiments at Wardenclyffe, the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the eruption of Mount Pinatubo. Whether the ship’s appearance was cause or effect, he couldn’t be sure, but the more he looked at the evidence, the more clear the pattern became. For each appearance, there was a contemporaneous event of historical importance, however minor.

Which made the lack of future data more worrying.

There was more. There appeared to be two fixed points where the Borealis regularly appeared - Aperture Science up to 1996, and the Arctic in the years since then. If the Borealis had a home base, this was it. Otherwise, it flung through time and space, marking or causing events in its wake. Discovering the entire pattern could take years, or decades, and they had nowhere near that kind of time. It was enough, he thought, to realize that there was a pattern, and to have at least a vague understanding of what it was. He began scribbling notes, hoping he could adequately explain his discovery before another shift occurred.

“Gordon?” Alyx said, and he realized he’d forgotten she was still nearby. “Gordon, you’ve found something?” He nodded, and continue his hurried writings. She peered over his shoulder. “Oh,” she said at last. “Wow.” She looked over the map and began pointing at various locations. “The Opera House Battle of the 7 Hour War. The Vortigaunt Initiative. And, Gordon, you missed Black Mesa.”

So he had. Perhaps that wound was still too raw, or the event felt so recent it didn’t register as “history.” “Okay,” Alyx said. “So what can we do with this information?”

Gordon stood with his hands on his hips, surveying the map. There were so many data points, so much information, and he felt helpless to put it to use. He ran a hand though his hair, and adjusted his glasses. He could feel Alyx watching him, expectantly. He wanted to give her an answer. He didn’t have one.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Alyx said, “but we need...we need Judith.”


	14. Broken

“Lunch!” Ron called. With a shared look of uncertainty, Gordon and Alyx made their way upstairs. The headcrab soup was, Gordon had to admit to himself, much better than he’d expected, though it wasn’t something he’d seek out, given a choice. They all ate quickly, as if hurrying to finish before they could fully appreciate exactly what it was they were ingesting.

Inger, John, and Toby dragged themselves from their beds and fell into place at the table. A short time later, Kowalski joined them. “Still no sign of Richards and Smith,” he said. Gordon and Alyx shared a quick glance before returning their attention to their meal.

They each took a few bites, then Alyx said, “That worries me.”

“Me, too,” Kowalski said. They continued to eat in silence. Kowalski finished hurriedly, the said, “I’m going to find our missing persons. I know this city like the back of my hand. I’ll locate them.”

Feeling a vague sense of relief for at least the second time that day, Gordon nodded. Alyx smiled and simply said, “Thanks.”

==========

They returned downstairs, where Van Hoose continued to monitor the tracking device. “We’ve got an anomaly,” she said. “The Borealis’ seismic signature just appeared at Larsbreen. It’s been less than three hours since the last appearance, and it appears to be staying put.”

“Dammit,” Alyx said. “Then the pattern’s broken. If we -”

She was interrupted by the sound of Judith’s voice crackling over the radio. “City 36, please come in,” Mossman said.

Alyx glanced at Van Hoose, who nodded and picked up the microphone. “City 36 here. We read you,” she said. Hesitantly, Gordon and Alyx moved into view.

Judith gasped, “Gordon? Alyx? Is it really you? And you’re both well? I couldn’t be more grateful,” she said. “When I heard about Eli...Alyx, I’m so sorry,” she said, and her eyes filled with tears.

Gordon watched as Alyx stiffened. “What can you tell us about the Borealis?” she said.

“Of course,” Judith said. “No time for chit chat. I understand. I have a great deal of information. I can meet you back at the base in approximately twenty-four hours.”

Alyx looked at Gordon and shook her head. “We don’t have that kind of time,” she said. “Judith, we can’t wait that long. Scientists are trapped on that ship.”

Judith scowled. “They boarded the Borealis? For what purpose?”

“Combine soldiers attacked the outpost. They were probably trying to make their escape.”

“All right,” Judith said. “I’ll tell you what I can. The Combine are stretched thin. Their attention is focused almost entirely on stopping our mission. Destroying the Citadel and closing the portal have left them cut off from the Overworld, but they still have disjointed communication among their factions. If they know the location of the Borealis, they’re closer to their goals than I’d hoped. I’ll return to the city tonight to debrief you, then head back to the outpost to mount a defense. In the meantime, please let Kowalski know the payload will arrive at the harbor around noon tomorrow.”

Gordon felt his stomach beginning to knot. The payload was almost certainly a weapon of some kind.

Van Hoose caught Gordon’s eye, and motioned for him to join her. "Dr. Freeman, she said quietly, “there’s an encrypted transmission under Dr. Mossman’s radio signal. We’ll have it decrypted as soon as possible.”

He nodded his understanding, and looked toward Alyx. Her face was tense, her arms wrapped protectively around herself.

“I’m sorry,” Judith said, “but I can’t share any further information over an unsecured channel. I’ll have to wait until I see you in person.” With that, she closed the connection.

Alyx slammed her fist against the console. “Dammit!” she said. Gordon went to her side, and took her hands in his, squeezing gently. “Don’t,” she said quietly. He let go, looked at her, and nodded toward the console where they’d been receiving telemetry from the Borealis, only now, it was Judith’s new data they were mapping. And it appeared to come from the future.

==========

They watched the screen together. More data points blinked to life. Gordon watched anxiously, hoping that something would spark a new insight. As new points appeared, Gordon pressed pins into his map - green, this time. He continued mapping the new data, waiting for the puzzle pieces to come together. They steadfastly refused to do so. After twenty minutes, City 17 was the only Combine population center with a green pin. Everything else was relative wasteland.

It occurred to Gordon that this new information could allow them to predict the time and location of future, significant events. He caught his breath quickening, and worked to calm himself. Showing his anticipation would only worry Alyx. Gradually, the screen continued to light up. The locations were various, and strange. Some were in the middle of ancient seas; another seemed to be within a long-dormant volcano. Others were in utterly unremarkable locations, nowhere near established cities.

“Gordon, how did Judith get this data?” Alyx said. “It didn’t come from the tracking device. Obviously, she’s had help.”

Gordon shook his head and shrugged. He had a vague, unpleasant idea of how Judith might have obtained the data. He didn’t care to give the thought too much credence. If Judith was in contact with _him_...well, he didn’t want to consider the ramifications. Not now, when there was too much else to think about.

“Gordon,” Alyx said, “what are you thinking? I can tell you’re trying to hide something.”

He looked at her and shook his head slowly.

“It’s that man, isn’t it?” she said.

Gordon could no longer hide his concern. He lowered his eyes, then dared a glance in her direction. Her eyes bore a hole in him.

“Who is he?” Alyx demanded. “Tell me the truth.”

He looked at the floor, then back at Alyx, his expression helpless. “Dammit, Gordon,” she said.

The rate of incoming data slowed. “Okay,” Alyx said with a sigh. “Let’s see what we’ve got.” She began graphing the new data along with what she’d already compiled. After tapping at the keyboard for a moment, she said, “Hold on. We missed something. That last appearance at Larsbreen - is it still there?”

Van Hoose checked the monitor. “Twenty-two minutes and counting,” she said.

Alyx said, “The latest appearance - it’s not an anomaly. It’s 42 hours and 35 minutes from when the ship disappeared two days ago. There are two separate patterns.”

Together, they counted down the final two minutes. Right on time, a seismic signature indicated that the Borealis had once again dematerialized, 24 minutes after its arrival. “If the pattern holds,” Alyx said, “it will make another appearance at about 6:45 tonight, lasting for less than one minute. Then it will return at roughly 7-hour intervals, until the day after tomorrow, when it will show up at...” She checked her notes. “About

8:00 a.m. Then it will stay for 24 minutes. Gordon, that could be our chance to save them.”

Two days. He wondered if they could survive that long - any of them.

============

Someone was operating the keypad from outside. “It’s Kowalski and Richards,” Ron said, checking the security camera monitor.

The duo in stumbled in. Both looked exhausted. “You still haven’t found Adam?” Alyx said. Richards put her hands over her face and made a strange, animalistic wail. Kowalski put his hands on her shoulders and looked at the gathered group. “We found him,” he said.

He escorted Richards upstairs and returned a short time later. “We found his body,” he explained. “Richards did. Looks like he shot himself.” The crew winced, and looked toward the floor in a moment of silence. 

Alyx looked at Gordon, and he replied with a grim smile. She glanced away.

Van Hoose said, “I’ll go sit with her. Oh, this is terrible. Adam....” She shook her head and made her way up the stairs.

Ron stood silently, his mouth agape. “I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I’m so sorry.”

Kowalski nodded. “We’ll retrieve the body tonight. For now, fill me in on what I missed.”

Alyx briefed him on Judith’s transmission, and their newest information. “That payload she referenced,” Kowalski said, “would be a nuclear warhead we’ve obtained from an old Russian testing facility.”

Gordon groaned inwardly. He didn’t know exactly what Judith had in mind, but he had enough of an idea to be very, very concerned.

“A nuclear warhead,” Alyx said, her face expressionless. “Well, that’s just great.”

==========

As the sky began to darken, Kowalski took Toby and John to retrieve Adam’s body. In a field outside of town, they built a funeral pyre with wood from collapsed buildings. Gordon joined the other men to act as a pallbearer. It felt strange to be treating a body with reverence, instead of the casual disregard that had been his mien for the past weeks. Kowalski doused the pyre with fuel, lit a match, and stepped back as the wood ignited. Richards sobbed quietly as Dr. Van Hoose embraced her.

Gordon looked at Alyx, her face warmly lit by the firelight, her expression blank. He wondered what it would take for her to break completely. The end of the world hadn’t done it. The loss of her father hadn’t done it. Dealing with Judith, with Adam’s suicide - those wouldn’t do it, either. _What about the truth?_ He wondered. _What would that do to her_? She glanced in his direction and he lifted his chin toward her. She nodded, and gave him a hint of a smile. Nothing was going to break her, he realized. Nothing, ever.


	15. Tension

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 14 is a bit short, so here's another one. :)

They returned to the lab in silence. Inger, John, and Toby sat at a table in the corner and began a game of cards with an ancient, fading deck. Richards excused herself and headed upstairs. “Do you want company?” Van Hoose asked. Richards shook her head.

An alarm sounded. “Perimeter alert,” Kowalski announced. “Looks like we’ve got a chopper landing. Most likely Mossman.”

“I’ll go meet her,” Inger said, stretching languidly, as if she were going to greet a welcome but unexpected guest.

“I suppose I’ll go, too,” Van Hoose said somewhat hesitantly. Looking none too thrilled, but without protest, Inger shrugged in agreement. The two headed out into the city.

“I prefer Inger goes with a babysitter,” Kowalski said. “She’s a fierce shooter, but she lacks direction.”

“You know her from before?” Alyx said.

Kowalski nodded. “Since she was a child," he said. “Her parents joined Civil Protection. Thought it would help them keep the family together. Probably don’t need to tell you how that turned out.” He frowned. “I don’t want to see this place take her down the way it does everybody else. She acts tough as nails, but she’s still just a kid. Like most of the people here.”

Ron and the others were The Last Generation, Alyx realized - born after the Combine takeover, they’d never known any other world. It was little wonder they were so indifferent to their surroundings.

A short time later, they heard the sound of the keypad on the door. A quick glance at the security monitors showed Judith Mossman standing inside the doorway, flanked by Inger and Dr. Van Hoose, and looking anxious. Ron scurried down the brief hallway to the door. A moment later, he returned with the other three following. Judith looked shaken. “Oh, Alyx,” she said, and moved to hug the younger woman. Alyx stiffened, unable to return the embrace. Judith turned to Gordon. “It’s so good to see you both,” she said, wringing her hands. “They told me about Adam Smith. Where is Sarah Richards? I should talk to her.”

“She’s resting,” Alyx said. “Leave her alone.” Judith sighed, and nodded.

Alyx brought Judith up to date on the movements of the Borealis. “Good,” Judith said. “then the tracking device is working.”

“You know about the tracking device?” Alyx said. “I should have known. You’re in on it, too. Of course you are.”

"Of course I know about the tracking device,” Judith said. “It was my suggestion.”

“Then you know about the Xen crystals?”

Judith looked at Gordon, then back at Alyx. “Know what? Alyx, what are you talking about?”

“The tracking device uses Xen crystals!” Alyx said. “And you must have known that, and you must have known that would send the Combine directly to us. You’re a traitor, just like -” She stopped herself before mentioning Adam by name.

“Alyx,” Judith said, “I assure you, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I suggested its creation. What happened after that -“

“Bullshit!” Alyx cried, slamming her fist against the desk. “I am done with your two-faced bullshit! You sold out my father and now you’ve sold out the resistance. We should never have trusted you.”

“Alyx,” Judith said, “I’ve tried to explain. You know I’ve always been on your side.”

“Yeah, you’ve tried to explain, and I’ve never been convinced. You’re a traitor, Mossman. I dare you to prove me wrong.”

“Very well,” Judith said. “Give me a chance, and I’ll prove it.”

Alyx folded her arms across her chest. “Fine,” she said. “Prove it. Tell us where you got your data.”

"I’m not at liberty to say,” Judith said. “I know that doesn’t make it any easier for you to trust me, but I have to ask that you do. I’m risking everything just being here.”

“And by ‘everything,’ you mean what, exactly?” Alyx said.

“I take your point,” Judith said, somewhat crossly. “My life. I’m risking my life. Is that enough for you?”

“Not really,” Alyx said. She turned to go upstairs - no, Richards was up there, and she couldn’t face her right now. Every muscle in her body hummed with tension. She felt as if her own mind was taking revenge on itself. Sheer rage blinded her; anxiety made her doubt the origin of her rage. Despair and anguish threatened to pull the rug of sanity out from under her feet. A scream perched at the back of her throat, never to be exhaled. She had to keep it together. For Gordon. For herself. For her dad. For the resistance.

To hell with Judith Mossman. There was no doubt in Alyx’s mind that she was a traitor. She’d helped kidnap Eli and sold him out to the Combine, never mind her double-agent act at the end. She couldn’t possibly have known that endeavor would end with Eli’s rescue. And in the end, her dad was still dead. Would he be, if not for Judith’s betrayal? How could they possibly trust her now?

But she had, or appeared to have, information they needed. For that, they needed to keep her close. And for that reason alone, Alyx knew, she had to keep her rage in check.

“Judith,” Alyx said, trying to keep her voice steady, “what’s your place in all this? We know you were able to track the Borealis this far. We know you helped Ron set up this facility. We need to understand your role here.”

Mossman cocked her head at Alyx. “Following in your father’s footsteps, are you? All right, I’ll play along.” Inwardly, Alyx seethed, but she managed to keep her exterior calm. “We became aware of the probable location of the Borealis thanks to the Bear Island station. They’d been tracking unusual radio signals from this area. Your father had the idea of checking for seismic signatures, and that’s when we located the Borealis’ pattern. Satellite data confirmed the presence of something under the ice. That’s when I made my way here.

“I was able to obtain information originating from Aperture Science - hailing frequencies, specifications, and so forth. It was too risky for me to work from the Svalbard station or the outpost, so I established a small station here in City 36. It’s the last place on earth the Combine would look, for reasons that should have become apparent to you both by now.” She glanced at Ron and the others. “City 36 is the last refuge of alcoholics, addicts, and outcasts," she said quietly. “The people here could no more mount a serious rebellion than...well, let’s just say it’s unlikely.” Alyx looked at Ron and his friends, but if they were bothered by Judith’s judgement, they didn’t show it.

“You obtained information from Aperture Science. How, exactly?” Alyx said.

Judith shook her head. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that. It would put us all in incredible danger.”

Alyx wanted to put her fist through the nearest wall. “How much more danger could we be in? The Combine are aware of the Borealis. They know its location. They’ll be sending reinforcements at any time. What do you know that you’re not telling us?”

“Alyx, your father understood the potential of the Borealis as a weapon. If we can harness it - “

“My father wanted that ship destroyed.”

“And Dr. Kleiner disagreed. He felt the ship’s power could be used to stop the Combine once and for all. Don’t you think that’s what your father would have wanted?”

“I know exactly what my father wanted. He made it very clear. It was one of the last things he said to me before he died.” She glared at Judith, who winced a little and looked down at her hands. “Alyx, your father was always willing to consider all available options. I hope you’ve inherited his wisdom.”

“My father made the mistake of trusting you,” Alyx said. "So maybe I’m not quite ready to follow in his footsteps, after all.”

“Alyx,” Judith said, “we have the means to destroy the Combine. I have the coordinates to their possible home world. Tomorrow we’ll receive a weapon capable of doing immeasurable damage to that home world. With your help, we can save humankind. Surely even you can see how important this moment is for us. For all of us.”

“I can see how important it is for you to be right, even if it means betraying my father one last time,” Alyx said. She went to the door and found it locked from the inside. She stared at the keypad. “Ron,” she said, “please let me out.”

“Out?” Ron said. “Not alone, not this late.”

Gordon went to Alyx’s side and nodded toward Ron. “We’ll be fine,” Alyx said.

“Okay,” Ron said hesitantly. “You two be careful.” He punched in a code and the door unlocked.

Snow was beginning to fall, again. The cold nearly bowled them over. Gordon looked at Alyx, his expression questioning whether she was sure about this particular course of action. “I have to breathe,” she said. He nodded, and followed her into the bitter night.

==========

Winter was coming, that was clear. The moon had not yet risen and the darkness was palpable. Wind whipped the snow into tiny white tornadoes that spun up and vanished like phantoms in the night. Alyx felt tears stinging her eyes, and blinked them back. “I know what my dad wanted,” she said as they strode through the night. They made their way along the crumbling sidewalk, sputtering streetlamps barely guiding the way. The cold was already forcing its way through her parka. They’d have to turn back soon, but for now she was happy to be alone, just the two of them. She stopped and turned to him. “What do you think?" she said. “Am I being a complete jerk?”

Gordon sighed and looked up at a flickering lamp. Snowflakes seemed to dance in the strobing light. After a moment he looked back at her and gave the slightest shake of his head. She moved closer to him. “I don’t know what to do, Gordon,” she said. He put his arms around her, and pulled her into an embrace. She rested her head on his chest, and said, “I don’t know what to do about anything. Dr. Richards - I can’t even look at her. Her son’s dead and I don’t even care. I could strangle Mossman. I don’t like what I’m turning into.”

Gordon took her chin in his hand and tilted her face up toward his. For a moment their eyes met, and after the slightest hesitation, he pressed his lips against hers. It was all the invitation she needed. She kissed him back, hungrily. Her hands went to his face, to the back of his head, pulling him in closer. The cold momentarily forgotten, they remained wrapped up in one another until they remembered they had to breathe. Alyx gasped, then quickly went in for another kiss, parting her lips and letting her tongue discover the ridge of his teeth. They explored one another’s mouths for what seemed an eternity, neither apparently certain what to do with their hands. Alyx found herself kneading the chest plate of Gordon’s suit as his hands fumbled clumsily at her waist. At last, she pulled back, caressing his face and gazing into his emerald green eyes.

Holding hands, they walked a little further in silence, ignoring the biting wind. When they’d gone a few blocks, Alyx said, “We’d should head back. Of all the stupid ways to die, freezing to death in City 36 is probably near the top of the list.” Gordon nodded before stealing another quick but passionate kiss. When they parted, Alyx smiled at him. He smiled back, the usual fear and anguish in his eyes long gone. He brushed a stray hair from her face and kissed the top of her head. God, but he’s beautiful, in his own way, she thought. His glasses had fogged a little, and she laughed as he tried to dry them on the lining of his parka. He cocked his head and smiled again before putting the glasses back on.

“Gordon,” she said, “we have to save those scientists, and use Judith’s weapon to destroy the Borealis.”

He looked into her eyes for a moment, then nodded solemnly and took her hand. They made their way back to the lab, the wind picking up but blowing at their backs. Ron had the door unlocked before they could announce their arrival. “Get inside,” he said. “It’s just going to get colder. I shouldn’t have let you go.”

Inger and the others continued their card game. Judith was studying Alyx and Gordon’s notes, her arms wrapped around herself. She looked at them. “Feeling better after your walk?” she said, with little emotion.

"Much,” was all Alyx said in reply.

Judith sighed. “I’m going to check on Sarah.” When no one protested, she made her way to the stairs.

Ron said, “It’s getting late, and we haven’t eaten. I’m going to make some oatmeal. That should help warm you up.” He followed behind Judith.

==========

The oatmeal was thick and flavorless, but it filled their stomachs. They ate in silence, until Judith said, "Sarah and I are heading to Svalbard station early tomorrow morning. We have forces coming in from other outposts. It’s imperative that we get to the Borealis before the Combine have that opportunity. If Alyx is correct, and I have no reason to doubt her, the Borealis won’t be fully within our reality for another two days. In the meantime, we have to cover the station and ensure the safety of the ship.”

Alyx and Gordon remained silent.

Tomorrow, they’d head back to Svalbard station, and soon to the outpost. Alyx was tempted to stay up and await the Borealis’ next appearances, but exhaustion overwhelmed her. Even Gordon seemed ready to fall asleep in his chair. God, it had been a long day.

Despite the danger than lay ahead, the idea of getting away from City 36 brought some relief, and she held on to that thought as she and Gordon nestled together and drifted off, stealing kisses before sleep took them.


	16. Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon and Alyx get some rare, brief time alone together.

Alyx awoke well before sunrise. Gordon felt her shuffling off the blankets and watched through blurred vision as she made her way to the windows. She was so, so beautiful. He wanted to join her, to stand beside her and await the sun, still so far away, but the lure of sleep was too tempting. He drifted off again before he could manage as much as a good-morning smile.

He next awoke to a small commotion from the kitchen. As far as he could tell, Ron, Toby, and Inger were arguing over whether to have grits or oatmeal for breakfast. Ron was tired of oatmeal; Inger hated grits. He let sleep take him again.

A small movement beside him - Alyx was snuggling back in. The barest hint of sunlight was peering through the windows. It must have been close to ten, or later - already the days were getting shorter, and shorter. How long had it been since they’d seen the Combine? Just one day? It felt like an eternity. He pressed his face against Alyx’s head, nuzzling her hair. She sighed softly, the sweetest sound of pleasure. He found himself growing aroused, and quickly scrambled out of bed. “Gordon,” she said, “you okay?”

He smiled and nodded, and made his way to the bathroom, where he came face to face with the first mirror he’d seen in days. God, he looked rough - beard unkempt, eyes red and sunken with exhaustion. He flushed the toilet with water from a pitcher, put there for that apparent use, and made his way back to the common area. Evidently, Ron had won the argument. A pot of thickening grits sat on the stove, a skin forming on the surface. He piled a few spoonfuls into a bowl and ate it in several bites. He needed more protein, and soon. Maybe there was leftover soup. He cringed involuntarily at the thought.

It didn’t matter. By the end of the day they’d be eating the bland but palatable food at Svalbard Station - assuming there was any power there; if not, it would be back to MREs. What did matter was that they’d be free of City 36, ready to greet the Borealis when it next appeared. They had nowhere near the information he would have liked to have, but he’d made an entire career out of being underinformed. Leaping aboard a ship bound for who knew where seemed a small risk compared to shoving unfathomably pure Xen crystals into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. Or maybe it was exactly the same.

At least he might get a shower before plunging into the next unknown.

How much time would they have, he wondered. Enough? What was enough? The realization hit him with such force he could barely comprehend its impact - he wanted to be with Alyx. He wanted to be with her forever, whatever that meant, and he wanted to be with her _now_ , with its one, simple, human and animal meaning. He wanted her. Suddenly he felt as if he might simply die if he never had the opportunity to hold her, naked and vulnerable, to feel her responding to his touch. He loved her, he realized, with every shred of humanity that was left in him. He’d loved her for days. _Days_. It might as well have been a lifetime.

Shaking, he splashed water on his face. It was cold, welcomely so. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and prepared himself to see her again. He had to keep it together. There was so much at stake.

He found her alone, eating some of Ron’s barely palatable grits, and she smiled when she saw him. That smile, the one that came so readily, even when the situation was the worst it could possibly be. He wanted to fall to his knees and worship that smile.

The smile became a frown of concern. “Gordon, what is it?” she said, cocking her head slightly. He managed a weak smile. “Don’t try to bullshit me,” she said. “Something’s seriously bothering you.”

She had no idea how right she was. He shook his head quickly and smiled again.

“None of my business?” she said.

He looked at the floor, then back at Alyx. “Gordon,” she said, “you’re making me nervous. What is it?”

He couldn’t answer. He went to her side and reached for her hand. She took his, her face tense with anxiety. She stood and pulled him into a hug. “Gordon,” she said, “you’re shivering. What aren’t you telling me?”

Shivering? Was he? He was. He put his arms around her and pulled her as close as the suit would allow. “Oh,” she said, settling into the embrace. “Oh.”

He kissed the top of her head, but couldn’t let himself go any farther. She looked up at him, brown eyes beaming. “Gordon,” she said. “We’re going to be okay. I have to believe that.” He pushed his glasses up on his nose, and tried to smile. She kissed him gently and said, “I promise. I’ve got your back.”

Suddenly, every regret, every bit of grief, every horror of the past weeks hit him, and he fell to his knees, and wept. Alyx dropped to the floor beside him, pulling his head to her chest. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “Let it go. Let it all go.”

==========

As the sun marked its high point for the day, Kowalski said, “I just got word that the warhead has arrived and is on its way to the station. If we’re going to be part of the action, we’d better get a move on.” He turned to Ron. The two men shook hands, then embraced briefly. “Good luck, kid,” Kowalski said.

Fresh snow blanketed the tundra, but the riverbed was still passable. Less than an hour later, they had made their way back to Svalbard station. The damage was not as bad as Gordon had imagined. The main building had taken major hits, but the garage and cabins were still fully intact. Washington and a handful of the crew came out to greet them. Judith was notably absent. “If our latest calculations are accurate,” Washington said, “we’ll see the Borealis again in roughly two hours. That gives you two a little time to regroup. Get a shower, have some food. I insist.” Gordon and Alyx looked at one another and shared a small smile. "That sounds good,” Alyx said. “Thank you.”

Her usual demeanor was subdued, Gordon realized. Perhaps she was realizing just what they were in for. More likely, he’d frightened her with his own worry. Guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. He needed her optimism, even if he didn’t share it. But the truth was, he was terrified. They had no idea what they were getting into - well, enough of an idea for his terror to be justified, he reasoned.

She took his hand and led him to the cabin they’d slept in before. There was a private bath, and she helped him through the routine of removing his suit. He stood before her, stripped down to a t-shirt and briefs, streaked with blood and soaked with sweat. She pulled off her sweatshirt along with the tank top beneath, then took off her sneakers and jeans. He swallowed hard, and stepped a little closer to her. Smiling up at him, she stripped off her bra, and stepped out of her underwear.

He could only stare, taking in the incredible sight of her naked body. She was lean, and firm, and curvy, and absolutely beautiful in every way. She smiled and looked at the floor. He stripped off his own underwear, and stood before her, as vulnerable as she was. She moved closer, and stroked her fingers over his more visible scars. “I remember this one," she said, “and this one, and this one.” He pulled her into his arms, inhaling the scent of her. She leaned into him, pressing every inch of her body against his. Gently, as he had before, he traced the tracks the hunter had left on her back. He let his hand travel down to her waist, then a little further. She said, “Let’s get clean first.”

First? First. Before.

The shower was hot and there was plenty of pressure. They stepped under the water and fell together, hungry for one another. Their lips met and parted, tongues exploring tongues, hands roaming unashamedly. Together they gasped, and sighed, and occasionally giggled at the sheer delight of being together. Alyx found a bar of soap, and gently rubbed it across Gordon’s back, then down to his backside. He shuddered as she brought the sudsy bar around to his front, then back up over his chest and to his chin. Fumbling slightly, he took it from her hands, and returned the favor. She moaned a little as he soaped her breasts, and laughed with delight as his hands slid down her thighs, over her calves and down to her feet, which he washed with nothing short of reverence. When he slid his hands back up the inside of her legs, she shivered and sighed, and said, “I think it’s time for bed.”

They stumbled out of the shower and fell together onto the nearest cot. Clumsy and happy, they touched every available inch of each other. Alyx yelped as he nibbled at her ears, and made a different cry as he did the same to her nipples. She reached out for him, stroking unashamedly, and he moaned with more sound than he’d made in a very long time.

At last, there was no inch of each other’s bodies they’d left unexplored, and no denying what came next. Alyx lay back, smiling her brilliant smile. She parted her legs for him, and he slid his fingers inside her. Her eyes widened and she gasped. “Oh,” she said. “Oh, god.” He met her eyes, and their breathing fell into unison. “Oh, god,” she said again, and then her eyes closed, and he watched in rapture as she came undone by his touch.

“Please," she breathed, and he needed no more invitation. He slid inside her and she cried out. He squeezed her hand and she opened her eyes, just for a moment. “Gordon,” she gasped. _You okay?_ he asked with a look. “Please,” she said again, “don’t stop.”

In no time they established a rhythm, him sliding gently inside her, her answering with a rolling of her hips. He felt himself reaching a precipice from which he wouldn’t return, and implored her with his eyes. “Please, yes,” she replied, and then her back arched and she cried out, shuddering beneath him. It was all he needed to join her in ecstasy, and he wrapped himself around her as he lost control.

Bodies quaking with aftershocks, they clung together. “Gordon,” Alyx said, “I love you.” He buried his face in her hair, then nuzzled her ear, then pressed his lips against her neck. He wrapped his legs around her waist and pulled her as close to him as he possibly could. He pushed his hands through her hair and pulled her head to his shoulder. She looked up at him and smiled. “It’s okay,” she said. “I know.” He gazed into her eyes, and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexytimes at last! Please clap.


	17. Resistance

A knock on the door caused them both to groan more loudly than they might have intended. “Sorry, kids,” came Kowalski’s voice. “Estimated return of the Borealis is roughly 40 minutes. Time to get to the outpost.”

Alyx nuzzled her face into Gordon’s chest. "Nope,” she said. “Not going.” He kissed her head and lifted her face to his. She smiled at him, that glorious smile. “Kidding,” she said, “mostly.”

They rose from the bed, and stared at the filthy underclothes they’d left behind just a short time before. “I do not want to put those back on,” Alyx said. Gordon sighed and nodded in agreement.

Alyx checked the dresser that sat between the room’s twin beds. Along with once-plush bath towels, there was a selection of men's and women’s undergarments - utilitarian, but clean. “Oh, thank god,” she said. Another drawer held cargo pants, flannel shirts, and wool socks. “Is it Christmas?” Alyx said.

Side by side, they dressed, aware that they were suiting up for the ride of their lives, but with the air about them casual, as if this they were setting off on a camping trip. Gordon had just chosen a pair of army green cargo pants, when Alyx said, “Gordon, your suit.”

He stared at it, as if it were somehow alive. He loathed it, suddenly. And then he made the decision: No more. Whatever came next, he would face it the same way Alyx would - vulnerable, exposed. If she didn’t survive, he didn’t want to. He looked at her and shook his head slightly. “God, Gordon, are you crazy?” she said. He smiled. _Yes. Yes, I am._ Fear clouded her face. “I can’t lose you, she said.” He shook his head. _You won’t._ She covered her face with her hands, and it occurred to him how much she was counting on him - how much they all were. With a sigh, he gathered up the suit. He’d take it along, just in case. It was heavier than he’d realized.

They ate a quick lunch with Kowalski and the others, then suited up in parkas and boarded the snowmobiles. Kowalski would stay behind with a few others to watch for Combine activity. Several newly-arrived rebels joined Alyx and Gordon. Equipped with the barest essentials - including walkie-talkies so Kowalski could warn them of incoming Combine - they rode across the glacier. At least a dozen rebels were there already, and they found the entrance tunnel with relative ease. Inside, the outpost seemed bright and ready, as if people should be there, but it was silent as a tomb.

“Gordon,” Alyx said. "We still haven’t seen Mossman. Or Richards.” Gordon nodded. They also hadn’t seen the rumored warhead, he realized. But Judith had seemed resigned to awaiting the 24-minute window before moving forward with her plan.

Maybe Alyx had been entirely correct not to trust her. Maybe he’d made another serious error in judgement.

His worst fears were realized when the entered the Borealis’ chamber to find the two missing scientists, along with Washington and a handful of rebels, two of whom held the weapon between them.

“Alyx. Gordon. I’m so glad you made it,” Judith said.

“Judith, what are you doing?” Alyx said.

“That ship is our best weapon against the Combine," Mossman said. “We’re going to use it to take them out, once and for all.”

“Or,” Alyx said, “you’ll open an even bigger portal, and finish us. That’s what my father believed would happen. Are you willing to betray him by taking that risk?”

"Alyx,” Judith said, “I understand your devotion, but your father was wrong about this. I worked side by side with Dr. Breen - “

“Which is exactly why I don’t trust you!” Alyx said. “And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you do this. I’ll die first.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Judith said.

Richards and Washington were carrying weapons, and they made a point of showing them now. Gordon felt like a fool for abandoning the HEV suit. It was buried among the rest of their supplies, still packed on the snowmobile outside. He had only his shotgun, and a pistol, tucked into the waistband of his pants. He brought it out, to make a point. Alyx brandished her weapon, as well. “Looks like we’re on equal footing,” she said.

“Miss Vance. Dr. Freeman. It doesn’t have to come to this,” said Washington.

“Too late,” said Alyx. “I suggest you ask yourself who’s been fighting your battles for you, and decide who you think would be likely to win in a shootout.”

Mossman wore a condescendingly disappointed look. “Alyx,” she said. “Dear. Please use that amazing brain of yours. You can’t win. And you don’t want to. I’m certain that we’re right. We need you to stay here and hold off the Combine while we fight them at their source.”

“You want to board that ship?” Alyx said. “Be my guest. You’ll be stuck with the rest of the crew.”

“We’ll see,” Judith said.

==========

For minutes that stretched on like hours, they stood in cold silence. Then the chamber began to shudder. “It’s coming,” Judith said, looking at Washington and Richards, then at the rebels. “Prepare to board.”

Richards looked directly at Gordon. “I want you to know something,” she said. “I blame the Combine for my daughter’s death. And for Adam’s. But I also blame you. You started this. You started all of this.” She glared at him. The rebels glanced from Richards, to Gordon and Alyx. Gordon caught the eye of one of the men holding the warhead and gave the tiniest nod he could manage. The man nodded back, just as slightly.

As the Borealis began to appear, Mossman, Richards and Washington rushed toward it. “Come on, quickly!” Judith shouted to the rebels.

One of the rebels slowly shook her head. “We follow Freeman and Vance,” she said. “We’ll do it their way.”

“We’ve got Combine!” Kowalski’s voice crackled over the walkie-talkies. “Station is secure. Dropships headed for Larsbreen Outpost.”

Judith said, “Gordon, Alyx, please talk some sense into your...your followers! If we don’t destroy the Combine now, we’ll never have another chance.” Gordon met her eyes but said nothing. “Dammit, Gordon, you can’t win! Once we’ve programmed the bootstrap device, this ship is going to the Combine Overworld. You will have wasted every bit of our efforts, and for what?”

Gordon and Alyx shared a glance. “Gordon, is it true?” Alyx said. “Can she do that?” Gordon wasn’t sure. He had only the vaguest idea of how the bootstrap device was supposed to work. In fact, this was the first time he’d heard its existence confirmed. At Black Mesa, it had been nothing more than a vague rumor. But if it worked the way they had theorized...yes. She could indeed do that. Hypothetically. He tried to hide the worry he was feeling, but knew it was showing on his face.

The ship flickered into view and seemed to solidify - but the figures on board did not. They appeared ghostly, and terrified. _Can they see us_? Gordon wondered. It wasn’t clear. Ellie seemed aware that they were back at Larsbreen, but if she could see them, she didn’t show any indication. She was trying to use the radio, he realized, and it occurred to him that the crew were certainly trying to communicate every time they rematerialized.

Alyx lurched toward the ship. but Gordon held her back. “Look at them,” she cried. “We have to help them!” He shook his head. _Not yet._ She pressed against his grip and he pulled her close to him. _No._ He’d face her rage a thousand times before he’d risk losing her now.

Mossman and the others made their way toward the ship. 

“No!” Alyx shouted. “Let me go! We have to stop Judith!” He held her more tightly. She was so strong; he could barely hold her back. She turned her head and bit his arm. He flinched, and held on even tighter. “Damn you, Gordon, you let me go!” With tears burning his eyes, he clung to her, knowing she would hate him for it. It no longer mattered. He would never let her go, never. Even if it meant the end of the world. He watched the other scientists board, and squeezed Alyx even closer to him. She cried out in anger, and pushed harder against his hold.

As the Borealis began to fade, she broke free, aimed her weapon at Judith, and fired.

The ship flickered out of existence.


	18. Resignation

“Damn you, Gordon!” It was all she had time to say before the sound of Strider fire pierced the silence of the glacier. They shared a look that had passed between them a thousand times, and for the moment, Alyx’s rage appeared to be redirected. They readied their weapons and hurried back up the tunnel, several rebels following. _What I wouldn’t give for an ammo crate_ , Gordon thought.

The rebels at the surface appeared to be well armed, and were on their way to bringing down one Strider already. Gordon knew their own weapons were useless against the behemoths, and he and Alyx agreed with a shared look that they should concentrate on the small army of Combine soldiers approaching from across the ice.

The ran together out of the Striders’ range and opened fire on the soldiers. Gordon’s aim had improved dramatically since his days at Black Mesa; Alyx, as always, was a crack shot. But Gordon had forgotten that he was vulnerable without the HEV suit, and the first bullet to strike his shoulder took him down, pain blistering his arm. He lay on the ground, bleeding into the snow, looking up desperately at Alyx. “Gordon!” she cried. “Get your suit!” And then she dove headfirst into the battle.

How could he ask her to do that, he wondered. To go to war with only her pistol, no armor, and always a step ahead. Already, he was dizzy from the loss of blood, while she dove onward.

_She’s a soldier, and you’re not._ Cradling his shoulder, he began to stumble back toward the outpost, where the suit that made him super-human lay in a pile with flares, hand-warmers, and rations.

Another bullet grazed the back of his thigh. He faltered, but kept running. Just a hundred yards left. Now he was in front of the Striders - there was no way he’d survive. They seemed to perceive that he was no threat. He made his way to the snowmobile and retrieved the suit. He dove into the tunnel, crying out in pain as his injured shoulder struck the icy walls. Wedged in the ice, he clumsily stripped off his outer layers of clothing. Could he even get into the suit by himself? He’d never had to try.

Flailing and in agonizing pain, he quickly realized he needed help. Teeth clenched, he dragged himself back to the chamber. By the time he arrived, he’d already lost all sensation in his fingers. “Jesus Christ, Freeman,” said one of the rebels. Gingerly, he and the other lowered the warhead to the floor.

“Here,” the other said. “Take this med-kit.” Gordon complied, and felt his flesh beginning to knit itself back together. He hoped the bullet had exited his shoulder, otherwise it would be his companion for a good while to come.

Together, Gordon and the rebels struggled with the suit’s many layers. At last, they managed the final few pieces, and the mechanisms set about completing the healing his new wounds. “Morphine administered,” the suit’s voice announced calmly, and he nearly dropped to his knees with relief. _No time,_ he insisted to himself. _Alyx is out there_.

With a nod at the two men, he made his way back out of the cave and to the surface. He ran across the glacier, headfirst into the barrage beyond. The rebels were in fine form, taking down Striders one after the other. If the masked faces of the Combine soldiers had been capable of showing fear, they would have showed it now.

He found Alyx, and fell into formation beside her, as her face reflected pure joy at the sight of him, ready and able once again. Oh, if only he could ignite such joy as his ordinary self, he thought. No time for regrets. They had to mount their final resistance.

==========

They fought for hours, the sky rapidly darkening. More dropships came, depositing Combine soldiers onto the ice and snow. “Gordon, cover me!” Alyx called, as she moved to flank the newest wave of enemies. Gordon lost sight of her in the dark as he dispatched the soldiers on the perimeter, then charged toward those behind them. More rebels joined him and they made short work of those that remained.

At last, the final Strider was down, and the Combine soldiers were silenced. No more dropships appeared. After searching in the darkness for what felt like an eternity, Gordon was elated to find Alyx still standing on the battlefield. Many of the rebels were not so fortunate. Among those who had managed to survive were none other than Inger, John, and Toby, who fist-bumped and high-fived each other as Toby let go a profanity-laden victory cry. The threesome headed back to Svalbard Station, and Gordon and Alyx made their way back into the ice cave.

To the two rebels guarding the warhead, Alyx said, “You two, go up top and make sure no one else comes in here,” With the slighted hesitation, they agreed.

It would be nearly two hours before the Borealis returned.

“Gordon,” Alyx said, “We have to save the crew. And then we have to destroy that ship, before the Combine get a hold of it. Please, when it comes back, let’s do what we have to do.”

Gordon shook his head. He held up his hands once, then three fingers - _13 hours_ , he signaled. It would be 13 hours before the Borealis appeared on its 42-hour schedule. They’d have 24 minutes.

“We don’t know if they’ll be on board,” she said. “Were they there last time? Do we know?”

Gordon frowned. He didn’t know. To the best of his knowledge, they’d received no communication during the most recent 24-minute period. That was not good. He sighed.

“I’ll check the transmission records,” Alyx said. She typed at the keyboard. “Nothing,” she said. She typed some more. “But there are attempts at communication every seven hours since that pattern emerged. They’re just bursts - not more than 15 seconds long. I guess that backs up Dr. Van Hoose’s time dilation theory,” she said. “But there’s nothing from the 42-hour cycle. Gordon, I think it’s two different patterns. I don’t think the crew is on board for the other cycle.” She rose from the console and went to his side. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I don’t think this is going to work out the way we’d hoped.”

He didn’t like the sound of that. And he had a terrible feeling she was right.

He pulled up what data he could, began running the numbers again. In a short time, he found what he was looking for: in six days, the patterns would overlap. Both cycles would occur simultaneously. Was that their opportunity to save the crew, and destroy the ship? Or would that moment result in some unfathomable disaster? He settled in at the console, content to be back in the realm of facts and figures. But it was also the realm of theories, of likelihoods and probabilities. He couldn’t know for sure what would happen. And he wasn’t thrilled with what the data suggested.

He listened to the communications from the science team. Each time, the message was essentially the same: _We are trapped, no time to get off the ship._

_Is it the same message_? Gordon wondered, a little terrified at the thought. He checked the previous iterations. The content was the same, but the wording was not. At least they weren't caught in a closed loop - _that_ would have been horrifying. Somehow, they were still traveling through time, although trapped there. That was frightening enough.

“Gordon,” Alyx said. “We can’t wait any longer. We have to board the next time it appears. We have to stop Judith from reprogramming that device. If it’s not too late already.”

There was no anger in her voice anymore, only resignation. With a heavy sigh, Gordon nodded in agreement. They couldn’t wait thirteen more hours. They certainly couldn’t wait for six days. They couldn’t even wait for one more seven-hour cycle. The Combine had managed to take over the planet in that amount of time. Perhaps they’d made a mistake in not taking the first opportunity they’d had. Once again, Gordon realized, he’d held the fate of the world in his hands - and failed it.


	19. Deal With the Devil

Gordon had decided to go to his death as he’d lived most of his life - as an ordinary man. As if performing a ritual, Alyx silently and stoically helped him remove his HEV suit. Shivering in the icy room, he re-dressed in the civilian clothes he’d worn earlier. The shirt and pants were torn and stained with blood - his, this time. It didn’t matter.

It grew colder in the cavern. They found a thermal tarp, and settled in together beneath it, nesting atop a pile of wool blankets. After all that had happened, it seemed they had nothing to say to one another. Maybe, Gordon realized, they were too close to good-bye. Maybe that was why neither of them could manage as much as a comforting look, or a squeeze of the hand. Maybe it was too much to ask.

They passed the time in silence, sleeping off and on, until a vague rumbling sound signaled the Borealis’ impending return. They rose, and Gordon cast a glance at the warhead, then at Alyx. Her jaw set in a frown, she nodded. What he wouldn’t give to see her smile, one more time.

Together, they picked up the weapon. It wasn’t as heavy as Gordon had expected; still, it required them both to carry it without risk of damage. _Will it even work?_ Gordon wondered. He supposed they’d find out soon enough.

As they waited for the ship to reappear, the red emergency lights in the chamber seemed to falter. The room grew black, though still somehow lighted, and time itself seemed to stop. “Well, Mr. Freeman,” came a familiar voice. “It seems we are at a...crossroads of more than one sort. Miss Vance, in her altruism, wishes to save a few ill-fated scientists, and you, in your nihilism, wish to destroy a civilization. Can both of you win?” Gordon looked at Alyx. She was staring at the man in the suit, evidently aware of him, sharing this moment out of time.

The man brushed an imaginary fleck of dust from his jacket, and straightened his tie. “I would like to offer you both an...opportunity. Each of you may have what you desire. Only...as I’m sure you understand, Mr. Freeman, this opportunity requires certain...sacrifices. I am willing to...renegotiate the terms of your employment. It would appear that Miss Vance is as valuable an asset as you have proven yourself to be. Perhaps you made the correct...decision in saving her life.”

Alyx’s mouth hung open, her expression a combination of fear and rage. Gordon tried to speak, but nothing came forth. “ _You son of a bitch_!” he wanted to shout. “ _Leave her out of this!_ ” But he knew it was far too late. She was already in this, and she had been for longer than he could know. The man had been playing them against one another in the most subtle of ways, and now he was enjoying his final move. _This_ was his endgame - something so pathetic, trivial, and cruel.

And then time continued on, but everything had changed. Alyx was swinging her fists at him in fury. “You did this!” she cried. “You made a deal with him. You traded my life for my father’s. You had no right!”

_But I didn’t_ , he thought. _I didn’t_. And then he wondered, _Did I?_ What bargain had he made, that moment in the antlion caves, when that man had tried to take Alyx from him? Had he made a bargain? He didn’t remember it like that.

He took Alyx’s punches - it was the least he could do, if she were right. Even if she were wrong, he didn’t want to stop her. He was grateful to be able to feel pain - pain from someone he’d hurt, even if he wasn’t sure how.

Evidently his stoicism pissed her off, and she planted a hard right clip to his jaw, knocking him briefly unconscious. When he came to, she was standing over him, crying and shouting, “Damn you, Gordon, what have you done?” He still wasn’t sure.

Wobbling a little, he tried to stand up. She reached toward him and he flinched, ready for another blow to land, but instead she was helping him up. “You asshole,” she spat. “What did you do? Did you make a deal for my life?”

Uncertain, he shook his head. He realized his lip was bleeding, and he touched it gently with his hand. “Shit,” Alyx said. “I’m sorry.” She stood, staring at him. “I’m sorry,” she said again.

The Borealis began to fade into view. “I have to go, Gordon.” Alyx said.

What did she mean, _she_ had to go? _We, we_ have to go.

So slowly, she began to approach the ship. Gordon tried to follow her, and found he couldn’t more.

The light changed again. “Mr. Freeman, once again you must make a decision. I suggest you choose wisely. I believe Miss Vance has made her choice. He reached out to Alyx, and she made her way toward him, looking back at Gordon with a sad smile. “I’m sorry,” she said. A doorway opened, and Alyx and the man walked through it.

Finding his voice at last, Gordon cried out, a deep, guttural, “No!”

It was too late. Alyx and the man were gone, and the Borealis was settling into existence.

==========

He had one minute - probably less. Could he manage to carry the weapon by himself? It was bulky, but not heavy. All too aware that he was carrying a nuclear warhead clutched under one arm, he climbed onto the ship, expecting to find the crew on board. There was no one. The ship was empty.

Looking back, he could see still see the Borealis’ chamber, but it looked fuzzy and out of focus. _Out of time,_ he realized.

“Yes, Mr. Freeman. You are indeed, once again, out of time.”

He tried to turn around, but he could barely move. He felt the man approaching him. “Mr. Freeman, you have a unique...opportunity. In a few days’ time, this...ship...will collide with itself. This will result in a s-s-singularity. You alone are in a position to take advantage of this particular moment. I am certain you realize that doing so may not end well for you. My employers and I are not...enthusiastic about the sudden end of your tenure with us. However, we recognize the importance of this...mission. You are poised to bring an end to the current, unfortunate circumstances.”

Gordon nodded. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Would a suicide mission end the Combine control of earth? He might never know. He no longer cared. Alyx was gone. Eli was gone. His family, gone for two decades. Barney and Kleiner? His only friends in the world. He supposed he would miss them, or they would miss him, maybe. It would have been nice to say goodbye. Never mind. It would all be over, soon.

“I am willing to spare you the long...wait, Mr. Freeman,” the man said, gesturing toward the green glow of a portal. “Step through here, and finish your...destiny.” Without hesitation, Gordon stepped through, and found himself in hell.


	20. Singularity

Two versions of the Borealis were attempting to share the same point in time and space. On one, Dr. Ellie Green and her small crew were screaming in terror. On the other, Alyx and Gordon found themselves face to face, unable to speak or move. Bolts of electricity bound the two ships while simultaneously attempting to push them apart. A horrific roar of sound poured over them. “Save them,” Alyx mouthed. “Destroy the ship.”

Moving with uncharacteristic grace, the Vortigaunt assistant approached them. “The entity has again underestimated the Free Man. The vortal bond with the Alyx Vance is strong. This one can strengthen it further.” The Vort placed one clawed hand on Gordon’s shoulder, and the other on Alyx’s. A web of green electricity surrounded the three of them, quieting but not silencing the roar.

Fighting gravity, Gordon reached across some invisible divide, and grasped Ellie’s hand in his right. On instinct, he reached in front of the Vortigaunt with his left hand, and took hold of Alyx’s. She cried out as electricity bounced across their skin. Ellie reached behind her and grasped the hand of one of her comrades, and this continued until they’d formed a human chain. Gordon and Alyx pulled, fighting an energy like some vast undercurrent, and managed to pull Ellie through, then the next, then the next, until all of the crew members were together, in the time-space of the 42-hour Borealis.

“Get off!” Alyx shouted, and they followed her order. “Where’s Judith?” Alyx called. Gordon pulled away from her, and made his way across the barrier to the other Borealis. Lights flashed in the perimeter of his vision, like the beginnings of the migraines he used to get in grad school. He saw no one. He turned and made his way back to Alyx, when a doorway opened behind her. The Vortigaunt began to shine with a purple glow, and then others of their kind were there, humming and chanting, and then all of them and Alyx seemed to fold in on themselves, and vanish, just as they’d done when the Citadel core exploded.

He searched the ship he was on - no one else was there. Then the ship seemed to collapse in on itself, as the Vortigaunts had done when they took Alyx.

Gordon felt himself falling forever. He saw the Citadel, in ruins, burning. He saw the most beautiful, crystal blue water, swallowing him up as he drowned. He saw lava rushing over him, singeing his skin. He saw an island, and heard birds singing. He felt himself plunging into a black hole, being torn to shreds, only to come out the other side, reincarnated, blooming inside a rose. And then he felt nothing.

The nothing lasted for decades. He felt himself age, and then die, and then be reborn. He floated in space, and then fell again.

He found himself in a glorious city, lit with gas lamps; a garden, as perfect as Eden. Then, again, the other Borealis, but this time Judith was there, her mouth wide in terror. “Gordon?” she mouthed. “Help us!” He reached out, but the electricity foiled him this time, and the two ships crackled apart. Falling, again, then landing at the bottom of a waterfall. He could have stepped off the ship into paradise - no time; he was moving again. Days passed, months, years, an eternity. He saw the face of the strange man, scowling. He saw an Advisor, its deadly proboscis reaching out to probe his spine, to devour him.

And then the falling and the emptiness stopped. He’d landed on a beach, strewn with debris. He was the only man in the world. The Borealis lingered at the water’s edge, wrapped in a swirling mist, and he moved toward it, as slowly as if he were walking through thick syrup. He made his way back onboard, and looked past the bow to see the cavern at Larsbreen, solid as could be, and all he had to do was step off the ship.

But first, he had to arm the warhead. He perused the mechanism. It appeared to be a simple timer. Should he program it for one minute? For 24? More, less? What would happen if he was wrong?

He set the timer for 60 seconds, clicked the start button, lay down on the deck, and closed his eyes.

And then he heard Alyx’s voice, calling to him. “Gordon!” she cried. “Come down! Hurry!”

He opened his eyes, and stared up at the ceiling of the cavern. He didn’t have the strength to escape. He turned to look at Alyx through bleary eyes. The suit, if only he’d worn the suit. He was just an ordinary man, and he couldn’t move. “Gordon, hurry,” she called. “Please!”

And then she was moving toward him. _No_ , he wanted to cry out, but his voice was silent. Then she had his wrists in her hands, and she was pulling him off the ship. “Now!” she screamed, “There’s no time!”

Somehow, he found the strength to move, and with Alyx’s help, he stumbled from the ship.

Just as it flickered from existence, the Borealis exploded in a blinding flash of light, taking with it an infinite number of Gordon Freeman’s lives.

But one Gordon remained, and Alyx Vance was holding his hand.

“Oh, god,” she said, and they fell to the ground together.

==========

Gordon wrapped his arms around Alyx and held her as tightly as he dared. He kissed her head, taking in the scent of her. Then he lifted her face to his and kissed her, very gently, and he wanted to stay like that forever.

But the chamber had begun to shudder as shockwaves from the explosion ripped through it. “We have to get out of here, now,” she said.

Shakily, they stood and dashed out of the chamber. A deafening roar began behind them, and the chamber began to collapse. Gordon desperately hoped the shockwaves were localized, and not currently tearing through time and space.

They clambered through the tunnels to the entrance, diving out just as the passage behind them closed in. Hand in hand, they ran across the glacier, desperate to put as much room between themselves and the crumbling ice caves as they possibly could.

Lungs burning from the exertion and the cold air, they stumbled toward the Svalbard Station. Kowalski and some others ran out to greet them, pumping their fists in the air. “You did it, you sons of bitches!” Kowalski shouted. “The Combine are completely cut off! You should hear the radio chatter. They’re helpless.” He clapped a hand on each of their shoulders, then pulled them both in for a hug. “I didn’t think I’d ever see this day. I don’t know what you did, but you did it!”

He ushered them into what remained of the main building, where a small crowd of rebels had gathered. A boisterous cheer went up. Alyx and Gordon shared a cautious glance, and she smiled at him. There was something in her eyes that troubled him, though. For now, he wouldn’t have a chance to ask her what it was. The crowd began a loud, off-key rendition of “For They Are Jolly Good Fellows,” and for a while, at least, their worries were forgotten.

Many hours later, the crowd began to thin, and they managed a moment alone together. "I don’t understand what happened,” Alyx said. Gordon gave her a lopsided smile and a nod. “That man,” she continued. “He took me somewhere. I don’t know where it was. I don’t remember exactly what happened. I wasn’t afraid...just...confused. Gordon, did we destroy the Overworld?” Gordon’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t think they had. He shook his head. “I don’t think so, either,” she said. “What happened to Judith, and the others?” He gave her a sad smile. “Right,” she said. “Okay.” She looked at the floor for a while.

Nearby, a small group broke into song, and Gordon and Alyx stood in silence as they listened to the revelry. She said, “It feels like maybe we’re finally free.” She looked up at him and smiled the most brilliant smile he’d ever seen. With tears in her eyes, she pulled him to her. “Gordon,” she said, “we did it.”


	21. Home

The day Alyx and Gordon returned from the Arctic, the citizens of White Forest celebrated. Among the first to greet them was Barney Calhoun, his arm in a sling and a broad smile on his face. With a sly grin, he revealed his latest contraption: a home-made still. That night they laughed, and drank, and danced.

The next day, there was a celebration of the life of Eli Vance, and they drank, and held one another, and wept.

On the third day, it was time to rebuild society, and they fell silent, overwhelmed by the reality of what lay ahead.

==========

Barney, Alyx, and Gordon lay side by side on the mound that formed the roof of the compound. The men took turns pointing out various constellations, as Alyx tried to make sense of the pictures they claimed to see so clearly. “It’s Orion, see?” Barney said. “Find the belt and you can see the whole thing, clear as day.” Alyx could see the belt, but the rest of the supposed hunter vanished in a field of stars. Not that she particularly wanted to see anything called a “hunter.” Gordon took her hand gently in his, and traced the pattern of the Big Dipper. That she could see, and it make her smile.

“I know your daddy was a stargazer,” Barney said. “Didn’t he ever show you?”

He had, of course - but it had been so long ago. She’d almost forgotten.

Barney said, “I’m not sure what exactly you kids have been up to for the past couple of weeks, but I’m mighty grateful for it,” he said.

Gordon smiled at Alyx and she smiled back. For a moment, they forgot Barney was there, and simply looked at one another.

“Ah,” Barney said. “I see how it is. Well, good for you. And may I just say, it’s about damned time.” He sat up and took a swig of moonshine from his mug, making a grand gesture as he did so. “Children,” he said, “I must to bed.” They laughed together, and said their good nights. A little wobbly on his feet, he turned to them before he went. “I’m glad,” he said. “I’m so fucking glad you’re both here,” he said. And with that, he took his leave.

Alyx watched Barney go, then turned to Gordon. “I’m so glad we’re both here, too.”

Gordon took her hands in his and smiled, his green eyes gleaming. A moment later he grew somber, acknowledging the losses they couldn’t deny.

She wrapped her arms around him. They lay together in silence, watching as more and more stars revealed themselves. Alyx had never known a night sky without the milky bands of the galaxy winding their way above. Gordon had only seen anything like it on the few occasions when he strolled well beyond the confines of Black Mesa. The sight was humbling.

“I miss Dad,” Alyx said, stating the obvious but needing so say it. “I know it wasn’t your fault.” He held her close and let her cry into his shoulder. He might have cried a little, himself.

===========

They dozed off briefly and woke shivering, chilled by the night air but feeling so alive because of it. Alyx felt a little dizzy. “Gordon,” she whispered, unsure if he was even able to hear her, but needing to make her confession regardless; “I nearly killed her. I would have killed her.” He held her as she sobbed again. “What would Dad think of me? What would I think of me? I couldn't. I just couldn’t.” She’d been through too much. She was already a killer, and a fierce one, at that. But she wasn’t a murderer. They both knew it.

After a silence, she said, “Gordon, I still don’t understand - what happened? Was Judith right? Did she manage to reprogram the bootstrap device?”

Gordon didn’t know. The Combine on Earth had been completely disrupted, but others could still be out there, somewhere. Or maybe Judith had been right, and successful in her mission, and they had been stopped forever.

“I’ve been wrong about so much,” Alyx said. “I wouldn’t mind being wrong about Judith. It would be nice to think we’re finally safe.”

Wrapped in each other’s arms, they stumbled back toward White Forest, seeking the warmth inside. A newly-assigned room awaited them, fitted with two cots pushed side by side, and a pleasing array of oversized blankets. Someone had placed a clumsy arrangement of greenery in a vase, and Alyx smiled as she read the note attached: “From Isaac K. Welcome home.”

They climbed into bed and, despite their shared desire, fell quickly asleep, entwined in each other’s arms.

============

They rose early, ate quickly, and went outside to greet the day. The sun rose over the valley, and Gordon kissed the top of Alyx’s head. She leaned into him and sniffled. There’s was a never-ending nightmare, they knew. Gordon wanted to believe that all nightmares would end. He wanted to promise her that all would be well. He couldn’t. The man in the suit was still out there, ready to toy with their lives. He’d be back, there was no doubt.

But for the moment, they were free. The Combine were no more. They had now, and that was good enough.

Gordon took her chin in his hand, and kissed her gently. He cleared his throat, and took several deep breaths. “I...” he said. Alyx grinned at the sound of his voice. “I love you,” he said.

She smiled and kissed him back. "I know,” she said.

They lay together as the sun came up, and then walked hand in hand back to the base. There was so much to be done. They would do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! Thanks to all who have read for indulging a very rusty writer. I hope you've enjoyed the journey as much as I have. Be well!


End file.
